Red vs Blue WarBound 5
by VirTaAshi
Summary: Book 5. A series conclusion to the WarBound saga. Deanis and team has more than a few problems as a new member of blue team intervenes, the Freelancers return, O'Malley on the fritz, an Alien baby running around, and the last of the Chronicles finish.
1. Chapter 1: Cherry Down

**Author's Note.**

**The Final Book of the WarBound series, wow, I didn't think I'd actual get this far. To tell in truth, I already finished book 5, but I'm going to post it a chapter at a time, to build suspense.**

**I hopefully expect myself to be especially careful with this book because of its importance to the Conclusion to WarBound. There will be better detail, I hope.**

**Hopefully, I'll get more reviews on this one's predecessors and itself.**

**Remember, where we last left off, the ship had just landed on Donut.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1 – Cherry Down<strong>

Dust and dirt surrounded to where the Pelican had landed. Deanis stood the closest, almost having been crushed along with her pink comrade, Donut. Her mind just wasn't processing, Donut can't be gone, just like that. It just can't be.

"Simmons," Sarge coughed, "Status report."

"Um, an enormous thing just fell out of the sky," Simmons reported, "and landed on Donut, Sir."

"Are there any other injuries?" Sarge inquired as the dust finally started to settle, marking everyone's armor with a small coat of it.

"No sir."

"You sure?"

"I think so."

"Are you sure?" Sarge repeated, "No one accidentally got shot in the face when someone else's shotgun just accidentally went off in the incredible distraction of a spaceship crash landing. Purely by coincidence?"

"Uh, I don't-"

"No one orange?" Sarge interrupted.

"I'm fine," Grif sigh irritated. Near him, on the ship, were marks of small blast-holes made from a powerful close range firing weapon.

"Sorry sir," Simmons said.

"Oh dehrh," Sarge cursed, "I really need to adjust the sights on this thing." He checked his weapon, making sure it had no defects.

"Fuck your sights," Deanis said, "What about Donut? Is there any way he could've survived this?" She motioned to the ship.

"I don't think so," Simmons replied, sizing the ship up, "Poor Donut, I'll miss him like a sister."

"I'll miss him like…" Sarge paused, "Well, like someone I know but that I don't really wanna reflect on how deep our relationship with." Something started tapping in the background of Sarge's voice. Like something on metal.

"Wait a second," Simmons said, "do you hear that? It sounds like tapping."

"All I hear is you guys talkin' about your feelings for Donut," Grif said, "And I have to say, I'm not really comfortable with that."

"Listen, there it is again!" the tapping continued. Deanis couldn't put down the uplifting feeling that Donut might be alive against impossible causes. He's survived a grenade to the head, he can survive this.

"You're absolutely right!" Sarge said, "That sounds like Morris Code."

"Um, excuse me Sir," Simmons said, "It's actually not Morris Code. It's Morse Code, Sir."

"Morse, heh," Sarge said, "That sounds like ridiculous. I don't think so."

"Yes," Simmons stated, "Morse is the person who developed an international code for communicating without audio. Morris was a television cat that sold cat food."

"And that cat was one of our finest military minds," Sarge said, ultimately defying everything Simmons just said, "Don't you see? That just means Donut is alive and trying to contact us! Now, get to tappin'."

"How 'bout instead we lift the ship off of him," Deanis suggested.

"Great idea, Deanis!" Sarge said, "I've read reports that people can get enormous strength in stressful situations. There was one woman who lifted a car off her baby."

"You want me to call Donut's mother?" Grif asked.

"Don't make me angry Grif, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry," Sarge warned and then continued, "Now if only there were some way to tap in our inner rage, like that Hulk fella. Dang nabbit! There's never any gamma radiation around when you need it."

"Why don't we break into the ship and lower the landing gear," Deanis suggested, "It'll raise the ship."

"Or, we could build an army of clones that could lift the ship-"Sarge interrupted.

"The jack in the Warthog would lift it," Deanis replied, cutting Sarge off in return.

"We could develop a machine that shrinks the ship, or that makes Donut gigantic! Or both," Sarge continued.

"How 'bout digging? We could dig underneath the ship," Deanis said.

"I've got it! A levitation ray. I think I have a spare in the base! I'll be right back." Sarge turned heel and headed nearby, where the Warthog had been parked when the team had reentered the canyon.

"Sarge!" Deanis almost whined.

"Deanis, this is a crisis situation," Sarge hopped into the 'hog and started up its engine, "I expected crackpot theories from Simmons, but now we've gotta save us all, with Science!" The jeep drove off to red base.

"Thank you sir?" Simmons said awkwardly once Sarge was gone.

"Sarge just drove away with our jack, didn't he," Grif concluded.

"And our shovels," Deanis sighed, "It's amazing we haven't starved to death."

"What the fuck are you guys doing out here, breaking the canyon?" Church came around the Pelican, his fists clenched and his foot falls suggesting that he wasn't in control of anything anymore or that everything had just gotten from bad to worse.

"Fu-uck off, Blue," Grif said,"A ship just crashed on one of our guys."

"What, this ship?" Church thumbed the gray metal.

"No, another ship," Simmons said sarcastically, "Then that ship left, and this ship crashed in the exact same spot."

"Where'd it come from?"

"It's a spaceship, it came from space," Grif pointed out. Another sarcastic remark.

After a pause, Church said: "Dibs."

"What?" Simmons spoke.

"Dibs," Church repeated, "I just called dibs. This is my ship now. Dibs."

"You can't do that," Deanis snapped, "We were here first."

"Yeah but you didn't call dibs," Church said, "I did. Dibs. See?"

"You can't call dibs on a spaceship!" Grif declared, "That's ridiculous."

"Yehehah, yes I can. Dibs- see? I just did it again," Church chuckled and then shooed at Simmons, "Now, get the fuck away from my ship, tomato can."

"Don't call me tomato can," Simmons growled.

"Try and take it then," Grif dared.

"Um... okay," Church shrugged, "Sheila?"

"You bet." The Blue tank came around the ship and aimed its large cannon barrel at what's left of the Red Team. Deanis had forgotten the damned thing when the other large hunk of gray metal landed on Donut.

"Fuck!" Grif cursed, "You forgot about that too, didn't you."

"Yeah, kinda," Simmons said.

"Now step away from the ship, tomato can," Shelia commanded proudly.

"Ha ha, tomato can," Grif jeered.

"You too, lemon head."  
>"Hey I'm orange, not yellow!"<p>

Deanis knew better than to defy the large tank that could very well blow the entire team away and more. But she didn't start to worry until Shelia started laughing. The laughter seemed… Evil. And as she did the voice became lower, like someone was messing with the audio's tempo. The red soldier stiffened, and then the tapping from the ship came again.

"What the hell is that tapping noise?" Church asked, "Sounds like Morris Code."

"Morse," Simmons corrected irritably.

"Sheila, if he corrects me again, please make him blow up."

"Sounds like fun," the tank's voice had returned to normal, but its tone was malicious and ill-willed.

"Well what does it say?" Church asked the team.

"It says tap tap tap," Grif crossed his arms, "We don't know."

"We were trying to translate it when you showed up an interrupted us," Simmons said.

"No, when I interrupted you, you were standing around doing nothing. Just like the last fifty times I interrupted you guys," Church stated and then held his head to the outer walls of the ship, "Oh wai-wai-wait, listen listen! Listen, it says, 'Red. Sucks. Balls.' hey, look my new ship can talk! And it knows things. That's a good ship." He patted the metal.

"It's still our ship," Deanis said, "We called, and it came."

"I don't know, I don't see any Red Army markings on it," Church looked up and down the ship, and Deanis could feel the smirk under the cobalt helmet.

"It landed on Donut!" Deanis argued.

"That was fantastic," Shelia commented.

"How in the heck would that mean- oh wait, the pink guy?" Church said, "Oh I actually liked him!"

"Seriously," Grif said, "what's with all these feelings for Donut?"

"You can't have it, it's ours," Deanis said.

"I'm not asking for it: it's already mine," Church said lightly, "Right Sheila?"

"Actually, I kind of like it," The tank's barrel looked at the ship, "I think it is mine."

Church looked back at the Blue tank, and he asked in an almost uncomfortably squeaky voice "Hey are you okay?"

"I think there's something wrong with the tank," Simmons said under his breath, though loud enough for the rest of the reds to hear him.

"No shit, really? I didn't notice," Deanis mocked surprise.

"We noticed," Grif said.

"I've got an idea," Simmons said.

"Whoa, okay hold on a second," Grif held his hands out in a stop-and-take-it-easy gesture, "Before you get too deep in to this, let me remind you that we don't exactly have a good track record when it comes to our plans and that tank."

"I'm gonna agree with Grif here," Deanis said, "It's only gonna take a second before we're just black spots in the dirt." Sarge came up, to the team, unnoticed until he said something.

"Bad news, fellas, I couldn't find that levitation ray, but I did find the remote control to-" Sarge spotted Church, "hey, what's goin' on out here? Whaddaya think you're doing you lousy Blue?"

"I'm just trying to figure out what the deal is with this spaceship."

"Dibs!"

"Too late," Simmons, Grif and Deanis said in unison.

"Dang, nabbit! Why do I ever leave you three to guard anything? Everybody knows about the International Dibs Protocol! And the No Takebacks Accord."

"I still call bullshit," Deanis said, she noticed the tank had turned around and started driving off.

"See guys, this is our ship," Church said, leaning on the ship, "And by ours, I mean mine, and my... eighty ton...friend." He noticed that Shelia was no longer at his side.

"Bye everyone," Shelia's voice called.

"Uh…" To take advantage at the opportunity, Sarge aimed his shotgun at Church's head, followed by Simmons and Grif who aimed their rifles at his torso, and finally Deanis, whose pistol was aimed at his crotch.

"I'm gonna be right back," Church said quickly, turned tail, and ran.

"Hey Blue!" Sarge called, "You know that ship you called dibs on? Well I got next! Hah! Now the ship is mine again!"

"Excellent strategy, Sir," Simmons complimented.

"Jesus, remember when we used to solve problems with violence?" Grif said, "Ah, the good ol' days."

"What- the fuck – ever," Deanis sighed, and Donut came to her mind once again.

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><p><strong>How's that for a start?<strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 1 - "Cherry Down"**


	2. Chapter 2: Is it Orange or Yellow?

**Author's Note.**

**Chapter 2 Folks, and an Introduction to a Character we all know and... I don't think I should finish that sentence.**

**Any way, everyone knows whose coming.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2 – Is it Orange or Yellow?<strong>

"Quit yer yammerin'," Sarge silenced the conversation, "Let's see if we can get this thing movin'. I was thinkin' about our discussion earlier, and a-"

"And we're using my ideas right?" Deanis asked.

"Course not!" Sarge affirmed, "I've got a new much more realistic plan for lifting the ship. If Donut is underneath, all we need to do is enrage him to the point where he can lift the ship and our work is done. Now quick, help me think. What would make Donut furious?"

"That's fuckin' stupid," Deanis muttered.

"I don't know, have you tried sharing your plan with him?" Grif suggested, "That'd probably do it."

"Hey Donut!" Sarge turned and yelled at the ships bottom buried in the dirt, "I was back at the base reading some of your fashion mags - they said that pink is no longer the new black! Turns out black is the new black, and pink is the old black. Which is now white! And it's after Labor Day, you know what that means –"

"Oh God…" Deanis mumbled.

"Also we needed to do some minor rust repairs on the Warthog's drive train," Sarge continued his jeering, "The bad news is that the only lubricants I could find were your imported hand creams! The good news is, the jeep now smells like lilacs. Rusty metal lilacs."

Deanis knew how much Donut liked his hand creams perfectly organized in a draw of his desk in his room. She was pretty sure that if Sarge had used all the creams for the Warthog, Donut would've probably either blown his top or fainted in disbelief.

"This has got to be-"Grif started but was cut off.

"This doesn't seem to be working," Sarge interrupted, "Alright, time for Plan B."

"I suggest we break into the ship and try to raise-"Deanis was cut off.

"No, Plan B is to try to induce super powers in Grif," Sarge said, "Simmons, get my jar of radioactive spiders out of the Warthog. Come here Grif, I need to borrow your neck."

"Wait… We have radioactive spiders?" The ship made a loud creak, which echoed within its interior and boomed in the canyon, just about making everyone jump up in surprise.

"Did you just hear that?" Grif asked.

"No, I was hearing birds," Deanis said, "Of course we heard it you asshat!"

"Mayor of Burbank! Plan A is working!" Sarge triumph, "Quick Grif - get me a list of the latest celebrity break-ups! Simmons, help me out!" Simmons came up next to him.

"Hey Donut! I hear they cancelled daytime television," Simmons chided.

"Hey Donut! Command called. They rejected your new definition for fire in the hole. They're gonna stick with the old one," Sarge yelled.

"Oh Donut! I heard that the Winter Olympics is gonna focus even more on snowboarding next time."

"I can't take this," Grif said, holding his helmet, "I'm gonna go watch some football."

"I'll join ya," Deanis sighed.

"Grif's been using your paisley thong as a slingshot!" Sarge yelled, this practically stopped everyone in stub silence. Not even Deanis could imagine Donut having a thong, and she's been in his room plenty of times.

The tapping, however, did continue, and it got louder with the remarks.

"That tapping is gonna drive me insane," Grif pointed out, "We either need to get Donut outta there, or find a way to kill him."

"Over my dead body," Deanis defended.

"Donut, can you please stop tapping," Simmons yelled desperately at the ship, "We heard you. You're crushed and you're in mortal danger, we get it."

"I can feel the tapping in my brain!" Grif whined.

"Well I have to admit it, I'm stumped!" Sarge's shoulders slumped in defeat, "I have no idea how to get him out."

"We could've use MY suggestions!" Deanis almost screamed it, "But No-oo! Deanis doesn't know what she's talking about! You dicks heads."

"What was that?"

"You Dick Head Sir!"

"Jesus! How long would it take him to starve to death? When was the last time he ate?" Grif asked, and then stopped and turned to Sarge, "...Sarge, didn't you once tell me you built self destruct mechanisms in to our armor? Can't you just use Donut's?"

"No, sadly that's just you, Grif," Sarge said, "Although I could activate yours if you'd like."

"How would that help?" Grif said.

"Well the situation would be a little less annoying."

"How 'bout I beat the living shit out of him and then you activate it," Deanis suggested, "That way I can ventilate my anger, and we won't have Grif."

"You want me to get the activation code Sir?" Simmons asked.

"Nah. The activation code is just 'activation code'," Sarge said, "Keep it simple."

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that…" muttered Deanis. The constant picking against the ships metal armor raised in volume, or everyone thought it did.

"Uh-oh my God, is it getting louder?" Grif said, "I bet the Blues don't have to put up with anything this annoying."

"Men, it pains me as your leader to say this, but I think we need to admit defeat," Sarge started, "Years of experience on the battlefield and I've finally met my match. I never thought I'd be beaten by a ship. A ship full of enemies, maybe, but never just a ship itself! Bravo, ship. Brav-oh."

"Don't give up yet Sir, I'm sure we could find a way to-" Simmons tried but was silenced by Deanis.

"Oh let him give up," Deanis said, "The faster he leaves is the faster I can open the ship."

"Ah, Simmons, Deanis, it's hopeless," Sarge said, "Let's start assigning duties for our retreat." A small screeching noise sounded behind him, like metal against metal, and the door to the ship was opening up.

"Uhhh, Sir-" Simmons tried to point out. Failed.

"Simmons you can pack up all the toiletries and remaining MREs," Sarge continued, "But make sure not to mix them up, or we'll never be able to tell 'em apart again."

"Sir, you really should turn around," Grif tried to point out. Failed.

"Sure, and give the ship a chance to rub it in," Sarge stated, "No dice."

"Fuck, Sarge look behind you already," Deanis demanded, "The ship's door is open, and there wasn't a fucking battle in the first place."

"What?" Sarge turned his head to the ship, "I mean of course it is! Looks like my plan worked! Chalk up another one in the win column for Sarge! Grif, go investigate."

"What? Why?"

"Because, if by somehow, the blues had managed to sneak a spy within the ship, he'll attack you and leave the rest of us to retreat and formulate a strategy to victoriously take the ship back from the dirty blues!"

"That doesn't make any sense!" Grif said, "Weren't we the ones to call the ship? And How can the blues get on the ship that quickly?"

"Fuck it all, I'll go," Deanis said, holding up her pistol and carefully stepping to the ship. She took one deep breath, and then stepped into it, leaving creaking the metal floors.

Inside, the ship was surprisingly roomy for a Pelican class. Monitors and machines whirled and lights blinked about. Strange enough, there weren't any seats for passengers or anything. It wasn't a transport Pelican. Then again, it was too large to be a Pelican despite what it looks like. If it wasn't a Pelican, then what was it?

Something moved in her vision, and she aimed at the movement. She carefully began moving slowly forward to the sudden movement's path. There was nothing, and then Deanis got a tap tap tap on her shoulder. She turned around, and nearly shot the person there.

"Hi! What's your name?" Said a perky female voice from a clad yellow soldier. This girl was younger than Deanis, by several years, possibly just in her mid-teens too. However, that didn't mean that she was shorter than Deanis. They were roughly around the same height.

"Who the fuck are you?" Deanis demanded, she examined the clad yellow. There was no insignia to say if this chick was a private or not, and she wasn't bulky for shit, so Freelancer was mowed out. In fact, the yellow clad's armor was tight on her body, the black fabric was thin and the yellow plating defined every curve and possible body shape she had.

"Wow, demanding, that's kinda hot!" Deanis almost fell over by the statement.

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold it," Deanis said, "First of all, I ain't your type, and second of all, who ARE you? And how the hell did a kid pilot this ship?"

"Me? I'm Kaikaina," the girl said, "What's your name, hot stuff?"

"Umm… Deanis," Deanis said and started moving away from the girl and to the ship's door, the girl however, followed.

"By the way, have you seen my brother?"

"Whoever the hell your brother is…" Deanis muttered and stepped out of the ship. The rest of the team was waiting.

"Deanis, report," Sarge said. Deanis rubbed the back of her helmet.

"Well… I found someone sir." The yellow clad came out, and stood staring at Grif.

"Dexter?"

"Kaikaina?"

"Your name is Dexter?" Simmons asked Grif.

"You two know each other?" Deanis asked.

"She's…" Grif mumbled, almost unhearable, "My sister…"

"Grif's Sister!" Simmons and Deanis said and looked at the yellow clad. The girl stood in pride.

"Yeah. Isn't that cool?"

"You know I always knew there was a genetic possibility that Grif would have blood relatives," Sarge remarked, "But I always held on to the hope that he was the horrible by-product of an experiment on a turd-manufacturing plant!"

"Go home," Grif demanded. The shattered lazy exterior took almost everyone by surprise.

"What?" Grif's Sister said.

"Go home, right now. Get in your ship, uncrash it, and fly it home."

"Whatever," the yellow clad defied, in a bratty teenage attitude, "Make me."

"As much as I don't wanna spoil my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself."

"Wow Grif, you do have balls," Deanis commented.

"I thought you would be happy to see me," Grif's Sister said.

"How did you even get here, we're in the future!" Grif yelled.

"We're not in the future!" Deanis said, "What the fuck is wrong with you people?"

"Deanis, you need to put that denial aside," Simmons said, and then turned to Grif and his Sister, "I think I know how. Did you use your hyper drive to get here, or just the light drive?"

"Which one is the hippie drive?" the girl replied with a question, "Is that the one with all the knobs or is it the other one with all the knobs?"

"Yeah, she probably came here just using the light drive," Simmons said to his teammates, "And as Einstein theorized, in his theory of relativity-"

"Speak English, dude," Deanis said.

"When you travel near the speed of light, time slows down for you. Essentially she came forward in time by traveling at light speed."

"Not in the future."

"That's stupid," Grif said.

"No, that's science," Simmons countered, "Didn't you ever read the famous science fiction story where the astronaut watches his baby son being born, but then he gets in a ship-"

"No."

"Well, did you ever read the one where-"

"No."

"How 'bout-"

"I didn't read any of them!"

"Hey," Grif's Sister nudged to Deanis, who almost punched the girl away, "Who's the nerd?"

"Excuse me, I'm not a nerd," Simmons said indignant, "My Mom says there's nothing shameful about being smart."

"Alright Missy, there's just one thing I don't get," Sarge said, "How'd you join the Army?"

"What do you mean?" The yellow clad said, "I just signed up."

"But you're a... you know you-you got lady parts."

"So?"

"So unless this is the cooking and sewing Army-"

"No, I went to join the real Army."

"Does your gun shoot brownies?"

"What?"

"You'll have to excuse Sarge, he comes from the old school," Simmons said, "And Sarge, Deanis is in the army."

"Simmons, I didn't join, I was drafted," Deanis stated.

"By the way, nobody says "old school" any more," the yellow clad said, "Actually, they told me I was too young. So I grabbed an extra suit of armor, and boosted a shuttle."

"Glad you learned something from me," Grif said, which earned a look from Deanis and Simmons.

"Nohoho, I'm just kidding," the girl said, "I always wanted to do something like that."

"But why did you join the Army?" Grif asked, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"Well, you always looked after me when Mom ran away to join the circus."

"Whoa, hold it, your mom joined the circus?" Deanis asked, looking between the yellow and orange clads, "At first, I hated you, but you just made improved my insults by one sentence."

"Was your Mom a flaming sword swallower?" Sarge asked, "We could use somebody to replace Donut."

"Nope," the girl shook her head, "You know how circuses have a bearded lady, and a fat lady? Well, my Mom plays both, 'cause she's like, super-talented."

"Oh my god…" Deanis said, covering her helmet's mouth piece.

"Is it okay if I record everything you say?" Simmons asked.

"Sure! Anyway, Grif always looked after me, but when he went away, I didn't wanna be alone," the yellow clad explained.

"Okay, let me get this straight," Simmons said, "You felt scared, being alone, so you decided to join a war."

"She's a Grif alright," Sarge said.

"Wait a minute, she was the one who was tapping!" Grif said, snapping his fingers.

"No shit," Deanis said.

"Yeah," the girl said, "I was wondering why you guys didn't answer."

"None of us know Morse Code," Simmons said, "It's outdated."

"Don't you mean old school?" the Sister suggested.

"No, don't you get it?" Grif said, "If she was the one tapping, then what happened to Donut?"\

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><p><strong>The title's a pun on the fact that some fans still couldn't tell that Grif was wearing orange even after the introduction of his sister.<strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 2 - "Is it Orange or Yellow?"**


	3. Chapter 3: Things that go Bump

**Author's Note.**

**Chapter 3, and I'm introing Junior now. You'll see.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3 – Things that go Bump<strong>

"The cool thing, is that I was lucky enough to get sent here!" Grif's Sister said, or just Sister, making it easier for Deanis to call her that. She was just as annoying as one too, "They said your Commander died, and I needed to replace the missing man."

"What? Our Commander's not dead, I'm our Commander!" Sarge stated.

"And an excellent one at that, Sir," Simmons complimented.

"Thank you Simmons."

"Yeah," Sister continued, not seeming to hear them, "Your Commander died. And one of the troops is going to be promoted, and I was sent to replace the missing troop!"

"Fuck that, Sarge isn't dead," Deanis snapped.

"Wait, w-what's this about a promotion?" Simmons asked, almost pushing Grif and Deanis aside.

"Sounds like Command made some kinda mistake," Sarge said.

"I don't know Sarge, I thought you said Command never makes mistakes," Grif noted, "That must mean you're dead."

"No he isn't," Deanis said, "I don't give a shit what Command says."

"Seriously, what was the promotion thing?" Simmons said, "I'm sure I heard something about someone getting promoted."

"They said one of your troops would be promoted to replace your dead C.O.," Sister concluded.

"One like me? A maroon one?" Simmons pried, though Sister said nothing to entice him.

"Hey, you're really scary," She said instead, "That's kinda hot!"

"Sarge, I'm really sorry you died," Grif told Sarge.

"Don't be stupid, Grif," Sarge said, "How can I be dead if I'm standing right here?"  
>"Well if Command was wrong about you dying, Sarge, couldn't they be wrong about other stuff too?" Grif continued, "Like, like what if the Blues don't suck?" He gasped in mock surprise, "What if the Blues are awesome? This changes everything!"<p>

"Grif, that's just fucking stupid," Deanis said, "You're not getting anywhere with this." However, Sarge was walking away, acting like he was arguing with himself about something.

"Are we going to assign your sister a room?" Deanis sighed, turning to Grif.

"We could give her Donut's."

"You do, you die."

"We'll give her the next room over, sheesh."

The four trudged back to Red base, not knowing where Sarge was going or when he'd be back. Deanis had nearly turned and shot Sister during the trip, just for touching her. Deanis didn't like getting touched, by anyone.

It was Grif who led Sister throughout the base, touring her through everything and what not.

Deanis begrudged having to share anything with Grif's sister. She vividly remembered her teen hood, and while it started emotionally unstable, it had only gotten worse as life threw things her way that she wouldn't have wanted to imagine.

The red soldier stripped from her armor in her room, grabbed her towel, and left for the showers. Hopefully nobody would be there, and she could shower alone.

When Deanis had returned, she was told by Simmons that they had tried once again to fix the water problem, and had partially successes. There was minimal water access from certain areas, like the showers. Only one shower stall worked, and only with limited amount of time and hot water. And Sarge had decreed that it'd be faster if everyone were to shower together if they wanted it.

Deanis would feel more comfortable if she would just be showering with Donut. The pink clad didn't seem to be aware of his masculinity or Deanis's feminine, so it never was a very big deal. But when Deanis reached the shower locker room, Simmons was already there, out of his armor and in his boxers.

"Oh, ah… Deanis," He acknowledged awkwardly. Deanis noticed the maroon clad's metal parts sticking from his joints and the two small strips on his templates, and how the lights were bright with a lot of brain activity.

"Simmons," She said, and started striping from her field underwear. Simmons's face swiftly changed to a bright red as Deanis revealed her woman to his naked eye. She walked into the main shower room, and Simmons followed almost quietly if it wasn't for his breathing. Like every time, Simmons still had his field boxers on during shower time.

Deanis turned on the water in the single working stall, and it was hot-warm. This made Simmons wince when the shower-head's rain hit his bare skin. Besides the pattering of the water, it was silent as they washed up.

Simmons didn't dare look at Deanis's ass, or her chest or anywhere. He, however, couldn't help but notice her back, and it churned his stomach. The scared tissue was purple, brown and red, clear signs of plasma burning. With his problem of thinking logically, Simmons's mind brought up the images of flesh burn wounds, the smell of burning flesh, and the pain that came with it. He backed away, his eyes shut tight from the horrible scenes, and his foot miss stepped.

He fell back, his head hit the red tile first. Deanis heard the noise, and turned quickly on him, looking down. She kneeled.

"Simmons?"

"The back of my head…" And his world blacked.

Deanis dragged Simmons's limp body out of the shower stall, his metal pieces making screeching sounds on the tiles. They were both wet, and the air outside the stall was ice cold. When she carefully set Simmons's head down, and found a small amount of blood on her hand. Her heart started to beat like in a marathon.

"Simmons, Simmons, wake up!" She said, "Come on man! Wake up damn it! Fuckin' wake up!" She shook him. She wasn't about to lose another team member, she was still hurting over Donut.

Simmons's eyes fluttered, and he looked up at her. The lights were brightening. Deanis breathed out in relief. Simmons's hand reached up, and touched the back of her head, feeling the short hair of a buzz cut. He brought her head down, and kissed her on the lips.

And then she knocked him the fuck out.

After reputing on her underwear, turning off the shower head, and dragging Simmons's ass by his feet, she grumbled and scraped her teeth together. She almost threw him on his bed, while she returned to her own room. Deanis crawled back on her cot, curled under the thin covers, and let sleep take her has she cursed how much soap she'll eat because of that little stunt Simmons did.

Deanis woke to the sound of shuffling in her room. She pulled the pistol from under her pillow and aimed. She never turned on the safety, which was probably going to be a down fall later on, but whatever. The room was dark, since it was Grif who had called lights out on the account of his sister.

There was the sound of strange clip-clopping, like hooves. Deanis looked around, aiming anywhere were the noise could be. The small amount of red light from the hall wasn't doing her any favors. Then she saw it, a small strange little creature moving around in her room. She got up from the cot, still keeping the gun aimed, and walked over to the thing.

It looked up at her, the red light reflecting off its eyes like an animal's reflective vision. She crouched, reached out a hand carefully, and grabbed the thing by its stomach. She didn't squeeze. The thing's skin was bumpy with a strange slick like coating, and she felt its small little claws scraping on her wrist like a rat.

She walked out into the hallway, and made her way outside of the base, not bothering to put on armor. She still kept the thing as far from her as possible.

The sun didn't blind her as much, and she finally got a clear look at what she held. It was a miniature sized version of the Alien. It was so small, and fragile compared to the Elite-Variant however.

"_Honk_!" it said in a squeaky voice. This was the alien thing that Tucker gave birth too? Oh god. Deanis dropped the damn ugly thing, and it landed on the ground with a small thump.

"_Bargh_, _honk_," it said, staring up at her. Deanis sneered. Maybe she should just shoot the damn thing, put it out of its life or something. Or maybe she should just step on it, that could do the trick. She aimed her gun at it, if she blew its head off, she could leave the body in Sister's cot. That would get a good rise.

Someone was running, and she heard it by the heavy breathing and the cussing. She looked up, and Church, in nothing but a military gray undershirt and sky blue stripped boxers, was running to Red base. He stopped when he saw her, and caught his breath.

"What'd you want blue," Deanis demanded half-hearted, Church took one deep breath and let it out.

"I'm only here to get that thing," He pointed to the alien at Deanis's feet, "Instead, just shoot it. No, wait… That won't work, Doc'll give me hell… Fuck."

"This fucking thing… Is this Tucker's kid?" Deanis asked, Church nodded, scratching the back of his head. His black hair looked worse than usual.

"Man, this sucks," Church said, "I hate the damn thing, but I can't just kill it."

"_Honk_?" the baby alien honked.

"Why don't you let me kill it?"

" 'Cause I lose either way."

"_Blargh_," the baby alien blarghed.

"Then what do we do with it?"

"I guess I'll bring it back to blue base," Church said grudging, "Christ…" Deanis reached down and took the alien baby in her hand, it was so small. She brought it up to Church.

"Here, take the thing," Deanis said, "But I'm killing it if it comes in my room again."

"Deal," Church said, and reached out to take it, when the alien barred its little teeth on its fleshy mandibles, made a strange breathing sound, and sank its mouth on Deanis's wrist. Several prickles of sharp pain shot up, just to be replaced it a sudden numbing effect. Some sort of neurotoxin?

"Agh! Get it off! Get it the _**fuck**_ off!" Deanis backed into one of the walls of Red base, trying to shake the alien of her arm. Church grabbed her arm and pulled the damn alien off her skin. It then clawed out of Church's hand, and latched itself on his forearm. He swiped it off, and the alien hit the ground.

Deanis had a small slightly bleeding mark on her wrist where the alien's mouth had been. She felt dizzy, and light headed, nauseous. The world was spinning. She tripped trying to walk, and was caught by something warm and secure. Church.

"Hey hey, don't go on me now," he steadied.

"Feel sick," Deanis moaned, "Fucking alien…"

"No kidding, huh?"

Church put Deanis in a better position, holding her to his chest. His arm was bleeding synthetic blood, though how much equivalence it had to real blood, Deanis didn't know.

The blue soldier walked into the base, carrying Deanis, and making sure that nobody was around to see him. He took the halls and to the barracks, where he found her room and went inside. Church carefully placed Deanis on her cot.

Deanis, light headed from whatever amount of blood pints she lost, poked Church's stomach and giggled weakly. Church seemed confused.

"Are you okay?"

"You're squishy," She poked his stomach again and giggled like a little girl, "he he, squishy…"

"Deanis," Church said, trying to contain whatever irritation he had, "I think you need some… rest."

"Are you going to come back?" Deanis asked like a child, and Church realized that the amount of blood she must've lost to the alien was affecting her brain functioning. The hard-core bitch had been replaced by a child, if only temporary.

"Yeah sure, whatever," Church said quickly. Good thing that Deanis wasn't like this permanently like Caboose, but even then he didn't want to deal with it.

"Okay, nighty-night, Al," She said, her eyes rolled back and she was out like a light. Church stopped for a moment, and figured that she might've just called him Al because of a hallucination from blood loss or something, before turning around and carefully walking out, taking the alien baby who had followed him to red base.

* * *

><p><strong>And that's what happens during blood loss.<strong>

**Anyway, I decided to put a little more detail on how those Aliens do things. You know vampire bats? Well, when they feed their salvia somesort of numb effect so that their food source doesn't realize that their being fed on. So why not with the Alien?**

**Speaking of Bats... Well, I don't have to say much more do I?**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 3 - "Things that go Bump"**


	4. Chapter 4: Not One of Us

**Author's note.**

**We're going to have a funeral... For Our Dear Sarge...**

**He was so young...  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4 - Not One of Us<strong>

It was early in the morning when Sarge had decided to wake everyone up and command that he needed a burial service. Deanis already had a major headache and was weak in the knees when she came, so was grumpier than usual.

Ignoring a shower, putting on her armor, skipping breakfast, grabbing a shovel and digging a six foot long grave while Simmons tries to make a grave stone. It was an hour or two later when everything was finish, as much as it could. Deanis's boots and small parts of her armor were now covered in dirt. The grave stone was basically a rock roughly shaped with 'Sarge' carved into it. Sarge's shotgun was lain on its feet infront of the open hole in the ground.

"Dearly beloved," Simmons began, "we are gathered here today, to pay our final respects to Sarge."

"But I was so young!" Sarge sobbed, "And violent!"

"And that's what makes this so tragic," Grif said. It didn't take long before Deanis started tuning out the entire thing because of everyone's stupidity.

"And now, Grif has asked to say a few things about our beloved Sarge," Simmons finished, and left the area everyone dubbed the stage. Grif came up.

"Hey everybody, it's great to be here," He started, holding his fist to his helmet's mouth like he was holding a microphone, "Well, what can I say about a guy like Sarge. I mean besides, 'good riddance'. Hoooo." Almost everyone tried to suppress a laugh, except for Sarge, who stood almost dumbstruck. "But seriously, Sarge lived a great life. And now that he's dead, our lives are pretty good too. Zing! Hahahahaa, you know what I'm talking about."

"Come on, is this a remembrance or a roast?" Sarge asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"Quiet in the front row," said Grif, "And I'm not askin', and he's not tellin', but I heard when Donut first came to the base, Sarge spent a lot of time talkin' about glazed doughnut holes, if you know what I mean. Hiyoooo."

"Fucking sick!" Deanis called.

"Too soon!" Simmons called.

"Hey now," said Grif.

"This is the worst funeral I've ever had!" Sarge yelled, "You losers better step up the crying, pronto!"

"Oh, don't worry Sir," Simmons conferred, "I've written a stirring speech that's sure to tug at everyone's heartstrings."

"Good to hear it, now get with the eulogizing!"

"On it Sir," and Simmons ran to the 'stage'.

"And who could forget the time Sarge showed us all how to field strip Simmons's-"Grif was cut off.

"Okay that's enough, I said five minutes Grif," Reminded Simmons.

"Bye everybody, I'll be appearing at the Laugh Cavern every Tuesday. Ladies drink free," Grif signed off.

"Whoohoo!" Sister called.

"Not you!"

"Aw…"

"I wouldn't drink with you, even if you'd paid me," Deanis called.

"I said _ladies_," replied Grif.

"Okay, whatever, get off," Simmons said and then started, "Hello everyone. I'm here to say a few words about our friend Sarge."

"Boo, you suck," Grif jeered.

"Grif, get off the stage!"

"Uh, sorry."

"Okay, like I was saying," Simmons continued, "I'm here to say a few words about Sarge."

"Boooo, you suck!" Grif continued to jeer.

"As you all know, Sarge was a magnificent leader," Simmons said, ignoring Grif,"and he was a great inspiration to all his troops."

"Yeah I don't see any truth in that!" Deanis called.

"Hh," Sarge sobbed, "Simmons was right, this is so emotional. Where's my hankie?"

"He was a man of honor, discipline, and character," Simmons said.

"It's like he's saying what we're all thinking…" said Sarge.

"I'm pretty sure he'd be insulting you idiots if he were saying what I was thinking," Deanis muttered.

"But perhaps his greatest accomplishment, as a military man..." Simmons said.

"Tell it!" called Sarge.

"And a friend..."

"Preach on, preach on."

"Was developing my considerable skills as a soldier and a leader."

There was a brief pause.

"What?" said Sarge.

"As you all know," continued Simmons, "Sarge's untimely demise leaves a gap in our command structure. A gap that is best filled by Sarge's right hand man. A man that has a vision for the Red Team."

"Sarge is-is he campaigning for your job at your funeral?" Grif asked, "Classy."

"The Red Army is faced with a difficult choice. The choice of who will lead us to glorious victory. Let's hope they choose a great candidate. A candidate whose armor is actually a shade of red. Sarge would have wanted it that way. Choose Simmons. It's the only thing Sarge did in life, so don't let his whole existence be in vain. In closing, somebody died, vote for me."

"That Sucked!" Deanis called.

"A-wesome speech!" Grif called.

"Is this the kind of thing you guys do all day?" Sister asked.

"Pretty much," Grif answered, "Just run with it. It's the only thing that keeps you from going insane from boredom."

"Yeah... or we could raid the medical supplies for morphine."

"Hyeah. Wait what?"

"I'm up," Deanis said, and walked on the 'stage'. She turned and faced the audience, "Alright, I'm Deanis, Sarge's favored fighter."

"Yay!" Sister called.

"Shut the fuck up!" Deanis snapped and continued, "And Honestly, I think this is the stupidest fucking thing I have possibly ever been a part of. Sarge, you're not dead, Command is full of shit, and everyone knows it."

"You suck at creativity!" Grif called.

"Seriously, I had to dig a hole to bury you in," Deanis said to Sarge, "the only way this'll be a funeral is if I shoot you and then bury you, and I ain't doin' that."

"Deanis, you're supposed to be eulogizing!" Sarge said, "Not filling in a complaint report!"

"Uggh… Fine," Deanis said, and then looked at the audience in as a whole, she took a deep breath, "For the time that I've been stationed here, I've been run over, knocked out, insulted, breatin' the breath taking shit out of Grif, and nearly mangled everyone on blue team…" Deanis sighed, "As for Sarge... Well, my own father had fought and died during the War, and that left a lot of strain in my life. No matter how creatively suicidal, or how incredibly closed minded Sarge was and still is mind you, I've always seen him as a sort of father figure. I still see him like as that, even if now he's acting like a fuckin' moron, good evening or whatever."

Deanis left the stage, with Grif called "Boo" behind her. It was Sister's turn, and the girl came up.

"Ooh ooh ooh, can I go again?" Grif asked, "I just thought of a swear word that rhymes with Kentucky."

"Hey everybody," Sister started, "Um, I'm new here, and I didn't know Sergeant very well, but he was very old, and that's gross".

"Eh-heheh, I wrote that line," Grif said.

"Grif, let other people have the spotlight for once," Simmons snapped.

"Anyway, when you're old and gross, you're probably going to die, and that's kind of sad," Sister continued, "But when you think about it, all your friends are probably dead too. And if they're not then they're definitely old, and knowing old people is even sadder than being dead. So, anyway, whatever. Peace out."

"This is a miserable excuse for a ceremony," Sarge complained, "Where's the flag folding? Where's the twenty-one gun salute?"

"Sir, the flag is an important part of our inventory," Simmons explained, "We can't just go around having impromptu foldings because we feel like it."

"And I was in charge of the twenty-one gun salute," Grif said, "Unfortunately we don't have twenty-one guns, so you'll have to settle for what I call the double-bun salute. It starts in just a few moments."

"Uhgh, I'll just get in my grave now," Sarge grunted and walked to the six foot hole and jumped in.

"Yeah, maybe that's for the best Sir," Simmons said. He and Deanis grabbed shovels.

"Oh, come on, who dug this grave? It's not nearly regulation."

"Uhg, Simmons let's cover his head first," Grif suggested, though he wasn't using a shove, or doing anything at all.

"Come on, you call that buryin'?" Sarge continued. I've had Girl Scouts bury me better. Put yer backs in to it."

"This might be a bad time to ask," Simmons said while shoveling dirt on Sarge, "but... have you finished that letter of recommendation I asked for?"

"Step to it men, bury faster!" Sarge snapped, "I'm not getting any deader. Come on, double time you maggots! Oh hey look, maggots. Maybe these guys know what they're doing."

"He's the chattiest corpse I've ever seen," Grif commented.

"Work that shovel like a hoe," Sarge said, "Work that hoe like a shovel."

Sarge continued to complain until his voice was muffled in the dirt, and then silence as the grave was patted down, the shovels stuck into the new grave.

"So how much oxygen do you think Sarge has in his suit?" Grif asked.

"Oxygen?" Simmons said.

"Yeah, you know, to breathe and stuff."

"Oh, you know, probably like three hours depending on his level of activity."

"He's buried six feet underground. I don't think he's got much chance for activities."

"Well, I don't think you're an authority."

"Authority? We didn't even use a coffin, we just threw a buncha dirt on him."

"No, we threw a bunch of dirt on him," Deanis corrected, "You two made digging noises with your mouths."

"You know that trick?" Grif asked his sister.

"I learned from the best!" She replied.

"Well, as your new Commander you're both gonna learn a little discipline," Simmons said, "And we're gonna start by running laps around the base. Sister, you can do girly laps."

"You mean after we dig up Sarge," Grif said.

"No I mean right now, Grif." Simmons went over and took the shotgun placed at the foot of the gravestone. He cocked it.

"What're girly laps?" Sister asked.

"Hey, Simmons?" Grif said, "I don't think Sarge is gonna like you picking up his shotgun. And I really don't think he's gonna like you threatening me with it. ...Well okay, he might like that part."

"As the new leader, what I say goes," Simmons said, "So everyone needs to start running, right now."

"What about Sarge?" Deanis snapped, "I'm not just going to leave him underground!"

"You heard what Command said. Sarge is dead. He died of..." Simmons paused and asked, "what'd he die of?"

"Aspirin overdose," Sister said.

"See, Sarge is dead of a- an Aspirin overdose? Really?"

"I know! I didn't think it was possible. And trust me, I've tried."

"Yeah, wait- what?"

"Simmons, don't be stupid!" Grif said, "He's not dead, he's just lying underground covered in dirt."

"If I say he's dead, he's dead. Ah'm the leader, me!" Simmons argued, "And being the leader means you have to make tough decisions. Like, just for talking back, you can't do girly laps."

"You're blind with false power, Simmons," Deanis said, and she took her own pistol.

"On the contrary," Simmons said, as they both aimed guns at each other, "I think I've gone blind with very real power."

"Seriously," Sister said, "what the fuck are girly laps!"

"All of you, shut up," Simmons commanded, "You're running. I'm calling Red Command for confirmation."

"Why're you calling Red Command?" Sister asked.

"For con-fir-mation. Stop asking questions."

"You keep talking about them," Sister whined, "Why don't you call our guys?"

"Our guys?" Grif asked.

"Yeah, the Blue guys."

"Excuse me? The What?" Deanis asked.

"The Blue guys," Sister repeated, "The guys that sent me here. In the big ship."

"Grif?" Deanis said.

"Uhh, yeah, this might be a bad time to bring up the fact that my Sister is color blind," Grif explained.

"**WHAT**?" Deanis and Simmons said in unison.

"But girls can't be color blind!" Simmons said.

"Yeah? Well they say girls can't ejaculate either. But guess what!" Sister said.

"Yeah! Wait what?"

"I can't believe it," Simmons said, "With such a simple espionage plan the Blues have decimated our forces. Quick quick, get me a shovel! Uho, Sarge is gonna be pissed!" He grabbed the nearest shovel and started digging out the fresh grave.

"Hey, Simmons," Grif said, "if she's not here for Sarge, who the hell is she here to replace?"

* * *

><p><strong>So sad.<strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 4 - "Not One of Us"**


	5. Chapter 5: Anthropopobia

**Author's Note.**

**Ain't that just a dandy? I said I'd be careful with this book and I fuck up with one of the chapters. Thank you flamingparadox****169, if it hadn't been for you, I'd never seen my horrendous mistake.**** Christ... Well I guess something like that would happen sooner or later. At least noone laughed, I think. In apology for the screw up, I'll give you guys two chapters.**

**Flamingparadox169, I'll dedicate this chapter for you.**

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5 – Anthropophobia<strong>

"Why the fuck didn't you tell us you were a blue?" Deanis demanded, "and don't say because nobody asked!"

"But nobody did ask!" Sister said.

"So what if she is a Blue?" Grif said, "We'll still keep her."

"No we can't Grif," Deanis said, "She'll probably kill us in our sleep or something."

"Do I get to do that?" Sister asked, "That would be awesome!"

"No she wouldn't," Grif said, "Besides she's color-blind. We'll just tell her we're Blues."

"We already said we're Red!" Deanis pointed-out.

"Yeah? Well she's fucking dumb, too," Grif turned to Sister and said: "Hey, we're Blue now."

"Woohoo, go Blue, let's win!" Sister cheered.

"See?"

"Sure, like she wouldn't figure that out," Deanis said.

"No she won't," Grif said, "In high school she got kicked off of the cheerleading squad three times for rooting for the wrong team."

"She ain't stay'in," Deanis said, "Let's give her to the blues."

"No way," Grif said defiantly, "we can't send her over there, they'll kill her!"  
>"She's a Blue, Grif, I've been around blue team, they don't go killing their own team members," Deanis suddenly felt something wrong with that sentence.<p>

"Oh, right, because she's a Blue," Grif said slowly, "And if she's over there, then the only people that would be trying to kill her, would be us."

"I call dibs on her kill too."

"Fuck off."

"Grif, and your little sister, let's get moving before Simmons digs up Sarge," Deanis said.

"I love digging, I want to help," Sister said.

"No, you're leaving," Grif said.

"Where're we going?"

"The other base."

"The Red base?"

"No, the Blue base."

"We have two bases? Awesome!"

"Move!"

It took a little while to get across the canyon, though for Deanis it felt even longer because Sister wouldn't shut the fuck up. Conveniently, two of the blues were within hearing range and the reds wouldn't have to come too close to their base.

"Yo Blues!" Deanis yelled, her voice echoing in the canyon.

"What do you want Red?" Church yelled back.

"We've gotta prisoner for you!"

There was a brief pause before anymore conversation.

"Why're you giving us one o' your guys as a prisoner?" Church yelled.

"She's one of your guys!" Grif yelled instead, "She came to our side by mistake!" And then he spoke to his team, "What's their deal, why aren't they going for this? We have to hurry. We've gotta get back before Simmons digs up Sarge."

"Whadda you want for her?" Church yelled.

"Nothing! Just take her!" Deanis yelled, "We don't want her!"

"We want something else!" Church yelled back.

"What? We're releasing a hostage!" Grif said indignant, "You don't negotiate up from there!"

"Got any money?" Tucker yelled from next to Church.

"Fuck you dude!" Grif yelled and then told his sister: "Get going, call me if you have any problems, and don't go near any Reds from now on. I'll try to keep our team distracted so they can't attack you. Whatever you do, don't embarrass the family. Think of Mom."

"Don't do me any favors, bitch," Sister said, and then ran over to the two blues.

"What else was on the ship?" Church asked.

"What do you mean!"

"Yeah like guns, or weapons..." Church suggested.

"Or snacks!" Tucker suggested.

"Just the girl!" Deanis said, "Sorry! There weren't any aliens you could fuck!"

"That's okay, we can still fuck this one!" Tucker called.

"God damnit!" Grif cursed, "Never mind, just send her back!"

"No take backs!"

"Aw, what the fuck!"

Deanis didn't turn around until she heard running and Simmons's voice saying, "Oh my God he's gone!"

"Hold it Simmons," Deanis said, "Whose gone?"

"Sarge, he's missing! I dug up his grave and he's not in there."

"What? Did you dig in the right spot?" Grif asked.

"Oh, you're right, maybe I dug up one of the other fresh graves that we just made," Simmons said desperate and sarcastic, "I didn't fucking think of that!"

"Oh calm down," Grif said.

"Don't tell me to be calm, we're down two men now!" said Simmons, "Aw, at least we still have the Blue prisoner we can use as leverage. Hey, what're you two doing out here in the middle of the canyon?"

"Nothing, show us the hole dude," Deanis said, Simmons turned tailed and started running back to Red base, which Grif and Deanis followed. Grif, being the most unhealthy of the entire team, was the slowest out of all of them, and Deanis wasn't doing too good herself having skipped out on breakfast and losing a pint or two of blood the previous sleep cycle.

"Slow down!" Grif yelled, trying to catch up.

"There's no time, Sarge is gone!" Simmons said, "I was digging a hole, and I kept digging, but there was no Sarge, and then finally I dug deep enough, and I found another hole."

"You dug a hole, and found a hole. Isn't that what a hole is?"

"No no no, I mean a hole at the bottom. It opened in to some kind of, big cavern."

Grif stopped dead center in the canyon, which in turn caused Deanis and Simmons to stop.

"A cavern? A cavern like a cave? Like a cave with bats?" Grif asked, almost hysterical.

"Afraid of bats Grif?" Deanis said.

"Afraid of bats, no," Grif denied, "Why would I be afraid of bats? And why would you even ask that question? Were there bats or something? That's kind of a weird thing to ask just for no reason."

"I didn't see any bats, okay?" Simmons calmed.

"Did you hear any bats?"

"No."

"Did you smell any bats?"

"I don't know what bats smell like!"

"And let's hope you never find out," Said Grif, "Is it getting dark? We should get inside."

"It hasn't gotten dark for two FUCKING years dipshit!" Deanis said. They resumed running, though really it was Deanis and Simmons dragging a kicking and screaming Grif. They got to the now open grave, but instead of dirt for its bottom, it opened out into darkness.

"Christ that a deep hole," Deanis said, "Did Sarge just fall through? Man…"

"Maybe he just disappeared," Grif suggested, finally calmed down, "Dead things do that when you bury 'em. That's part of the circle of life you know. It's a miracle when you think about it. No reason to go randomly exploring caves which may or may not contain hundreds of evil bats, that would just be interfering with God's divine plan."

"Okay," Simmons said, "A, Sarge wasn't dead; B, decomposing takes months, not minutes; C, his armor would still be here; and D, shut up, you're going down there. Now."

"Why? What do we really need Sarge for anyway?" Grif said, "All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck, we'll just split up his duties. You yell at me and I'll tell you 'you suck'."

"Shut up and get in the hole Grif!"

"You suck Simmons. Ho ho man, this new system's already workin' out great! We should have thought of this years ago."

"Grif, don't you understand that because we lost Sister, we're horribly outnumbered. We already lost Donut and Sarge, now it's four on three. The Blues are probably gearing up for an enormous attack right now. At any moment they're gonna come over that hill, guns blazing yelling "CHAAAARGE!"," Simmons said.

"I highly doubt that Simmons," Deanis pointed out, "And we're not horribly outnumbered, besides, we can take them."

"No, you can take them," Simmons pointed out, "We can't."

"Well, since you guys are busy," Grif said, "I'll be in the base-"

"I don't think so," Deanis said, "Get in the hole Grif."

"But there might be-"

Before he could whine anymore about bats, Deanis grabbed Grif by the orange plating, and practically threw him into the open grave. His screams echoed.

"Whoa," Simmons said, "So…"

"You get in too," Deanis said.

"You're following right?"

"Maybe…"

"What do you mean maybe?" Simmons asked, "Wait, you're not afraid are you?"

"What? No!" Deanis said, "I'm just… Not comfortable jumping down holes…"

"You're afraid of heights?" Simmons said.

"Fuck you man," Deanis snapped, Simmons was chuckling.

"Wow, the great Deanis has a kink in the armor," Simmons said, and then Deanis stomped over, and pushed him in the hole. Simmons didn't scream like Grif had. She looked into the open grave, gave a deep breath, gulped down whatever had stuck in her throat and stepped into the hole.

Air resistance pushed against her armor, and her eyes shut tight, and then she landed on something big and hard.

"Oh god!" It yelled. Grif. Deanis opened her eyes, and she had landed, relatively comfortably too. The cave was huge, larger than Deanis had expected. She pushed off the orange clad, got up, and dusted herself off.

"Was that too bad?" Simmons asked, and Deanis flipped him the bird.

"Have you found Sarge?" She asked.

"No," Simmons said, "There doesn't seem to be anything here, but large rocks."

"What about the radio?" Grif asked, getting up.

"Grif, we're in a cave," Deanis explained, "How the fuck would a radio signal work down here?"

"I don't know, let me try something," Simmons said and turned on his radio, "Come in Sarge, are you there? Sarge, we're down in the cave with you. Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay."

"This isn't going to work," Deanis said, and then her radio started clicking, and she turned it on.

"-Fine. What's your location?-" It was Sarge.

"You know, I almost saw this coming…" Deanis muttered.

"We're looking for you right now, this place is huge!" Simmons explained, "Deanis and Grif are with me and we're up on top of some kind of peninsular outcropping."

"-Uh, you're on top o' Grif's and Deanis's what?-"

"No, we're on a peninsular ledge trying to find you."

"-Roger that, I've got Donut. You sit tight and we'll find you.-"

"Roger that. Simmons out." And the radios clicked off.

"Dude, what was all that stuff about your penis ruler?" Grif asked. Deanis didn't care where they were, Donut had survived. She never felt so relieved, but she also never felt so pissed off that he didn't make a sign or something.

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Antrhopopobia - **Fear of People.

**Sorry again for the mistake.**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 5 - "Anthropopobia"**


	6. Chapter 6: Agateophobia

**Author's Note.**

**Another Apology chapter for my major fuck up. And as it turns out, Chapter 5 and 6 go together.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6 - Agateophobia<strong>

"I heard something that time."

"You didn't hear anything."

"There, did you hear that?  
>"Yes, I heard water dripping."<p>

"Sounds like bats!"

"Bats, aren't made of liquid. Bats don't drip."

"Bat-water!"

"There are no bats!"

Deanis had been standing for the past however long listening to Grif's paranoia about bats grow into almost full fledged panic.

"You don't know, what if you're wrong?" Grif snapped.

"Okay, idiot, let's assume I'm wrong," Simmons said, "Let's assume there are bats. So what? You're wearing state of the art, bio mechanical body-armor. It's designed to deflect bullets, and absorb explosions. What can a five ounce flying rodent possibly do?"

"...So basically you're saying that you think there's bats."  
>"Sure, why not."<p>

"I'm getting the fuck outta here."

"Grif, calm down," Deanis said, "There aren't any bats. Besides, we're on a different fucking _planet_, how the hell would there be bats here?"

"At least let's go stand by the light," Grif pleaded.

"How would standing by the light help?"

"The light would help us see the bats!"

"We're not moving," Simmons said, "I told Sarge we weren't going to move and we're not."

"Hey, you know what else might be in the cave, Simmons?" Grif said knowing, "Snakes."

"You're an asshole Grif," Simmons said in an almost high pitched tone of voice,"why would you bring up snakes?"

"I'm just saying," Grif said, playing on Simmons's fear, "I know you don't like Snakes, and snakes do live in caves, and we are in a cave, and snakes like to crawl right up next to people in caves, and then they-"  
>"Alright, screw it, I'm gonna go stand by the light." Simmons and Grif ran to the nearby light source. Deanis sighed and followed.<p>

"Sarge should be able to see us here, right?" Simmons asked as Deanis came to them.

"Yeah, who cares," Grif said, something whistled by,"Hey Simmons I was thinking, if we're in a cave, why are there lights down here?"

"That's a pretty good point... Grif..." Simmons replied. But his voice sounded weird, deeper in tone and slurred. Deanis and Grif looked at him.

"What the- are you okay?" Grif asked. There was a large purple like pink crystal thing sticking out of his neck. It was glowing, and Simmons started acting a little tipsy.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" Simmons said in that deep slurred tone. Deanis came up to him, and light touched the crystal thing, it was cold.

"There's this pink thing on you," Deanis said.

"Wha? Like a snake? Get it off..." Simmons slumped forward, and Deanis caught him and gently laid him on the ground.

"Tranquilizer…" Deanis muttered, and she pulled the pink thing out. But the moment she did, it disintegrated in her grip, and no trace of it was left. Something sharp hit her in the neck, and she grabbed the hit-area on impulse. She pulled it out, sharp pain came as a price.

She looked at it, the same pink crystal thing. The world started moving, slurring around like oil in water.

"We're under… att-ack…" Deanis managed to speak, and she fell over, all the world's shapes became a constant mixture of colors, and then there was no color, but the feeling of being in a mixing pan never left.

It was awhile before she could finally think straight, and even longer before she could focus on the thing around her. There was a sweet sickening taste in her mouth, and the air was much colder than usual. There was someone standing over her.

"D-Donut?" Deanis said weakly.

"Deanis! Oh thank god!" the clad pink grabbed hold of Deanis and bear hugged her like a lost teddy bear. Deanis coughed, and wiggled in his grasp.

"Donut, crushing me," She wheezed.

"Sorry Deanis," he let go, "Hey Sarge I found Deanis and Simmons!"

Sarge came out, his armor had small blots of brown earth on it along with the gray sand within the large cave.

"What're you idiots doing on the floor?" Sarge demanded, "Why is Simmons sleeping?"

"I'm not sleeping," Simmons moaned, propping himself up on his elbows, "I was drugged."

"Sorry Sarge, he's not sleeping; he's doing drugs," Donut proclaimed.

"Hh, shut up Donut, I'm not doing drugs, we were attacked," Simmons said, sounding like he had just woken up from sleeping, "Oh they must have used some kind of tranquilizer on me and," He turned, and Grif was nowhere to be found, "...Grif? Hey where's Grif?"

"Maybe he's out scoring you junkies some more drugs," Donut suggested. Deanis got up from the dirt.

"They must have taken him," Simmons said, stumbling but getting up.

"Who would take Grif?" Sarge asked, "Garbage collectors?"  
>"The people who ambushed us," Simmons explained, "We have to find him. Luckily I implanted a tracking chip in his armor. I wanted to be able to find him when it was time to work. I should be able to lock on to his signal in just a few seconds."<p>

"A few seconds? That sounds entirely hopeless," Sarge said, "Well, Grif, we'll miss ya. You were a good soldier. Using the broadest possible definition of 'good'. And 'soldier'."

"I've got his signal," Simmons said.

"He's probably a million miles away by now!"

"Actually, he's only a tenth of a mile away."

"But who knows what direction!"

"That direction," Simmons pointed.

"Exactly," Sarge said, "We did our best Simmons, now let's head back to Base and call for a replacement troop. Where's my shotgun?"

"I don't see it anywhere," said Simmons, "I guess they took it when they took Grif."

"What direction did you say?" Sarge grunted.

"That way sir."

"Come on, let's go."

Simmons led the team throughout the large cavern, the rocks were huge, and there were emergency lights. Who was down here? Why are there lights?

"Come on, Grif should be right over here," Simmons said.

"Don't listen to him Sarge, he's just tryin' to score more drugs to keep his habit alive!" Donut said, "Remember last month when he asked for more money? It was for drugs!"

"That was part of a budgetary meeting, Donut!" Sarge snapped, "He needed more funds for vehicle maintenance."

"Enabler!"

"I see something," Simmons said.

"Ah! There's my shotgun!" Sarge spotted his missing weapon at a nearby rock, "Mission accomplished, excellent work men! Let's hang up a banner."

"There's Grif," Donut pointed out the orange clad armor that Sarge had stepped over in order to take his weapon.

"Oh right, and Grif," Sarge grumbled, "Excellent- somethinerother, you... people- why do I even bother."

"What happened?" Grif moaned in a shaky voice, "What'd you do to me?"

"We were knocked the fuck out," Deanis said, "Our ambushers took you."

"Oh, right," Grif started to get up, " Uh, they kept askin' me questions. They wanted information."

"Information?" Sarge said, "What did they-"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Simmons said, "they wanted information and they took you? Why wouldn't they take me?"

"What're you, jealous?" Grif said, leaning on a leg, "Jesus."

"No, I just think if you're gonna drug and torture people, you don't need to insult their intelligence too," Simmons explained, "That's just mean."

"I call that Jealousy," Deanis pointed out.

"Besides, takin' all the fun outta interrogating," Sarge said, he turned to Grif, "Shake it off you big orange baby, what happened to you?"

"He's been chasing the dragon," Donut said.

"Donut, shut up," Simmons said, "he was drugged just like me n' Deanis."

"That's what I'm saying! He fell off the wagon, and shook hands with the Devil!"

"Donut, you're pissing me off now," Deanis warned.

"He's been ridin' the wave, and trippin' the Technicolor dream scape. Far out, man. Druggie loser."

"Will. You. Stop. Donut," Simmons said, "All you're doing with your stupid anti-drug lingo, is making me actually want to try drugs."

"Choose life, Simmons," Donut preached, "Choose it."

"Sounds fun," Deanis mumbled sarcastically.

"Who knocked you out, Grif?" Sarge asked, "Was it those dirty Blues?"

"No, some kind of bat-person," Grif replied.

"Bat-person!"

"Sarge, I'm not sure Grif knows what he's talkin' about," Simmons said.

"Grif doesn't know what he's talkin' about, eh?" Sarge said, "Stop the fuckin' presses."

"No. I mean specifically right now," Simmons pointed out, "Whatever chemical they used to knock us out may be affecting his perception or his memory."

"And it could cause undue stress to his family, and seriously impair his ability to operate a me-" Donut started.

"**_SHUT UP DONUT!_**"

"I wasn't hallucinating," Grif defended, "There was some kinda crazy bat thing, and another guy, and they were talkin' about a kid. And a sword. Some kinda deal they made."

"Ho-okay wait, is this a joke?" Donut said, "This is a prank on me, right? You guys found my Harry Potter fan fiction."

This has nothing to do with you, Donut," Grif sighed.

"Ho-okay, right, sure," replied Donut, "Well if the bat person turns out to be a sailor, and the guy turns out to be a bartender, and the sword turns out- well, let's just say this all sounds a little too familiar."

"I'm telling the truth! This really happened."

"Sure, we believe you buddy!" Sarge called, and then whispered, "Note to Simmons, Grif has gone mad. Need to kill him ASAP."

"I'm not crazy!"

"Second note to Simmons, Grif has developed super hearing. Possibly acquired from the bat people! Post-note: original plan still applies"

"Wait a second- I can prove I'm not crazy, 'cause of the bomb, the bomb!"

"Yeah, that's a good way to prove you aren't insane," Simmons said, "Just start screaming 'the bomb, the bomb'."

"The bomb was there!" Grif snapped "That's how I could understand what was being said. They needed him to translate."

"Wait, you mean Andy?" Deanis asked, "The asshole talking bomb Andy?"

"Yeah, the enormous ball that's always ready to explode."

"Ho-okay seriously," Donut said, "there's coincidence, and then there's outright plagiarism. I'm gonna have to sue somebody."

"Donut," Deanis said, "You can't sue because you're writing about someone else's work anyway."

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Agateophobia - **Fear of Insanity.

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 6 - "Agateophobia"**


	7. Chapter 7: Out of Uniform

**Author's Note.**

**Short Chapter. The Problem with Chapter 4 has been fixed and now everyone can see what exactly happened.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7 - Out of Uniform<strong>

"And he was translating between the two of them, too," Grif finished explaining, "So if we find Andy, he can tell us exactly what's going on."

"Sounds like we've stumbled across something totally diabolical!" Sarge proclaimed, "Good work uncovering the plot, Simmons."

"Thank you Sir," Simmons said.

"Simmons!" Grif cried, "I just told you everything!"

"But Simmons was the one that led us to you after he stealthily avoided capture."

"Bullshit, they knocked us and picked Grif at random," Deanis said.

"Yes. A randomness that Simmons used to save the day!"

"He had nothing to do with that!" Grif argued.

"But it was Simmons that found the underground cave."

"By burying you alive!" Deanis snapped.

"A tactic that was clearly multi-layered. Once again Simmons' treasonous insurrection proves to be the glue that holds this unit together."

"I'm not dealing with this, I'm going to explore the caves," Deanis sighed, and left the team.

For a while, she explored alone, until she heard a strange whirling sound and electronics. She followed the noise, going across a strange bridge, to its source, and found a large computer like thing. The air tingled with the sparks of electricity, and Deanis knew that this computer had an AI of sorts.

She clicked on the radio. "Sarge, I think you need to see this."

On the large computer screen, it was showing flashes of the canyon and inside the bases. Were there cameras everywhere? How long have they been watched?

"Huh, what's all this business?" Sarge asked, as he and the rest of the team came up behind her.

"It looks like a bunch of computer equipment, Sir," Simmons pointed out.

"Excellent analysis, Simmons."

"And it's attached to some kinda T.V. thing," Donut pointed out.

"So it is. Astute deduction, Donut."

"It shows all different parts of the canyon. Look, there's our base!" Grif pointed out.

"Ah yes, another incredible observation from the stating the obvious department," Sarge insulted, "Thanks for nothing, numb nuts. Simmons, Donut, Deanis, you three stay here. Grif's gonna continue to help look for Andy."

"Fine," Grif said, and walked off complaining about his job.

"Look, there's my room!" Donut said, pointing out as different rooms of Red base were shown on the screen, "And the locker room! And there's the showers! Ma-an, so many good memories."

"I hope this thing isn't connected to the internet," Simmons mumbled.

"Euh, the Blues must've set this up," Sarge proclaimed, "Crafty devils. Spying on us all along. ...What's all that?"

"That's blue base sir," Deanis replied.

"Why would the Blues spy on themselves?"

"Because the Blues didn't set this up."

"Or maybe the Blues are so incredibly arrogant, they just wanna see themselves on T.V. Boy I bet they have those stupid liberal equal time laws. Commie Blue bastards.

"What if all this technology is just left over from an ancient civilization that was way more advanced than us," Simmons suggested.

"Wait a minute," Donut said, "how could an ancient civilization be more advanced? If they were so advanced, where did they go?"

"They could have mysteriously disappeared, only leaving behind a legacy of enigmatic technology."

"...That's gay."

"Oh let's finish this fight later."

"Look, what's that?" Sarge asked.

"Is that Sister's armor?" Deanis asked. The screen had stopped at an image of a bunch of yellow armor plating pieces on the floor. There was no evidence of anyone else.

"Oh no, what happened to her?" Donut asked.

"Clearly she's been disintegrated," Sarge said.

"Why would they do that?" Simmons said, horrified, "Oh, we can't tell Grif. He's gonna be devastated."

"Tell me what," Grif asked, coming up behind them.

"Tell you that your sister's been vaporized by the Blues," Sarge told them.

"**_What_**?..." Grif cried.

"Sarge!" Simmons said in disbelief.

"Heh heh, it's just like rippin' off a band-aid," Sarge chuckled, "Quick and incredibly painful."

"We just talked about this, I thought we agreed not to tell him."

"_What_?..." Grif almost sobbed it.

"You really need to start thinking about other people's feelings, Sarge," Donut said, patting Grif on the shoulder.

"Son, the only thing I need to do is stay red and die," Sarge grunted, crossing his arms.

"...What?" Grif repeated weakly.

"I'm really sorry Grif," Simmons consoled, "She's dead."

"How could this have happened?" Grif asked, "Oh man, that was my little sister. I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I still loved her."

"This has to be hard Grif," Simmons said, "I… Don't know what to say."

"I-I just, I had no idea the last time I saw her was gonna be the last time ever," Grif mourned, "I'd give anything to see her again and just to talk to her one last time, and I'm never gonna get that chance. It's the most empty feeling in the whole world."

"Look you idiot," Deanis spoke irritated, "She ain't dead, she's just naked."

On the screen showed a girl in her mid-teens, completely naked, with freckles grazing her arms and shoulders, light brown hair in pigtails, and bright blue eyes just like Grif. Deanis turned away disgusted.

"What!" Grif screamed in outrage, "That little slut, I'm gonna kill her!"

"Take a screenshot, take a screenshot!" Simmons begged.

"_**PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!**_" Grif yelled at the screen, "What's the one thing I told you? Don't embarrass the family!"

"I don't think she's embarrassing," Simmons stopped, "-whoa, why is she doing splits?"

"Huh, is this that Facebook thing I keep hearing about?" Sarge asked.

"Does this thing take dollar bills?" asked Simmons.

"Come on, that's my sister!" Grif yelled at them, "And you're looking at her naked!"

"So? She's not our sister," Simmons pointed out.

"Stop. Looking. At her!"

"Why does Donut get to look?"

"Hey, why does the Blue base get so much more natural light than ours?" Donut said, obviously not getting why everyone was freaking out, "It gives the interior a much more airy and open feeling."

"That's why Donut gets to look," Grif snapped.

"Ohhh, look, she's puttin' her armor back on," Sarge whined, and then changed his voice to seriousness, "Uh, I mean, oh look, she is putting her armor back on. Good work Soldier!"

"Don't patronize me." The screen changed to the top of Blue base, where everyone else was.

"It looks like the Blues are having some kind of meeting," Simmons said.

"What? I knew it. They're coming to attack our base," Sarge cursed, "Dirty backstabbers."

"Why wouldn't' the blues attack our base?" Deanis asked.

"Dirty front stabbers!" Sarge corrected, "Simmons, what're they saying?"

"I have no idea," Simmons said, searching the computer tech, "I can't find the volume on this monitor. And without any sound it just looks like a bunch of helmets bobbing up and down."

"Is that how they talk?" Sarge said, "They look ridiculous."

* * *

><p><strong>Like I said, Short.<strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 7 - "Out of Uniform"**


	8. Chapter 8: Dead in Action

**Author's Note.**

**Big computer thing underground spying on everyone, Bat-people, could it get any worse?  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8 – Dead in Action<strong>

For however long, and with nothing to do, red team continued to watch the screen. It wasn't until Deanis and her team realized that the blues were going to invade Red base. Deanis always had mixed feelings about the damn base, but it was the only home she could truly call such. It was almost a pain to see it taken, almost.

"Look they're invading our base!" Sarge proclaimed, "And we're not even there to defend it. Oh the humiliation! Men, this aggression cannot stand. We'll beat those Blues all the way back across the canyon. This is the moment we've all been training for!"

Grif, Donut and Deanis stood a lined near the computer, Simmons, however, was still looking at it.

"Training?" Grif asked, "We haven't done any training. Wait, is sleep considered training?"

"There's a reason you find black marker on your armor during sessions, dumbass," Deanis said.

"Simmons, as with all our battle plans, I need you to punch Grif in the back of the head," Sarge ordered, the order was not carried out, "Simmons? Simmons!"

"Uh huh, yeah, I agree," Simmons said distracted and staring into the screen, "Everything you say is right, Red Team's great... hooray."

"Simmons, stop watching that T.V."

"It ain't a porn channel," Deanis said lazily, "There's not going to be any more naked girls."

"Shut up, you don't know that. Stop saying that," Simmons said irritated and then mumbled something while continuing to watch. It was obvious that Simmons would rather see behind a screen what was already provided to watch. He'd seen Deanis many times naked, and usual just turned as red as his armor before prancing off.

"Men, this won't be easy," Sarge spoke, "The Blues will be totally bunkered down. At both bases, which gives them an enormous strategic advantage! But we're the Red Team." Sarge slammed his fist into his chest in some way to prove power. Deanis blinked, she could swear she was hearing someone singing the Red Team national anthem, and was that a flag behind Sarge's back? "Sure, you might not be the best squad... might not be smart... or energetic, or have any skills that qualify you for duty in any other legitimately recognized military unit. However-"

"Where did that flag come from?" Donut asked.

"Flag, who gives a fuck about the flag," Said Grif, "How about who's singing?"

"But with precise operations, and proper communication," Sarge continued like there was nothing wrong, "we will emerge victorious! With a little luck, one of us in particular, will die a horrible death! Either at the hands of the Blues, or as part of a cunning distraction by yours truly."

"Why don't we just take over Blue Base?" Simmons asked, finally taking his head from the monitor.

"Nonsense!" Sarge said, "At Blue Base they're much more fortified. Blue Base has turrets. Blue Base has a tank!"

"Wait, Blue base doesn't have turrets," Deanis said.

"You sure?" Donut asked.

"Donut, I've been there several times, hell you've been there several times, there aren't any turrets."

"Yeah," Grif said, "But if there are, I hope it's the ones that say "Hello" and warn you before they attack."

"Guys," Simmons said, "Blue Base has no one in it."

"What?" Sarge asked.

"Look, see?" Simmons stepped back and gestured to the monitor, it showing a green tinted picture of an empty Blue base, "They're all gone"

"Where'd they go?" Sarge asked.

"To our base," Deanis said, "That's what we've been talking about for the past however the hell long."

"But which one of these caves leads to the Blue Base?" Grif pointed out, "I'm all turned around down here."

"I have an idea," Donut said, "Follow me!"

Donut jogged off, with the rest of the team behind him. It took a while, across a bridge, avoiding looking down at the abyssal below it, and by passing several of the underground lights before finding Donut at the spot where there were two dead bodies

As Deanis got closer, she found more about these bodies than she might've wanted. One had thick, hulky black armor, and the other, though smaller, had cobalt blue. The black one, formerly Agent Texas's body, had half its head blow off with the synthetic and red insides greeting the world. The cobalt, formerly Church's body, had much worse injuries, with a caved in chest, a stomach that looked like someone had scrapped its insides, and a destroyed visor.

These bodies, with all the dirt and synthetic blood that covered them, and the extensive damage, would never be able to hold Tex or Church again. Part of the earth nearby was disturbed, like something had been laying there but had gotten up, though this could just be Deanis's imagination. And she doesn't have an imagination.

"See, these are dead Blues," Donut pointed out.

"Yes, Donut, we're all very happy about the corpses," Sarge said sarcastically, and then added, "_Sicko_."

"Don't you get it?" Donut said, stepping a few feet away from the mutilated cobalt body, "When they buried you, you fell down here. When the Blues buried these two guys, they fell in too."

"I thought the Blues had three dead guys," Simmons said. Deanis got a feeling, if there was supposed to be three dead guys, then where was the other one? Maybe it had something to do with those creatures Grif had talked about. Maybe that guy Andy had supposedly translated for… No, the dead don't just wake up and start talking.

"So that means," Donut continued, "we're standing right underneath Blue Base. All we need to do is head up, and take 'em from behind."

"Cavernous conundrum he's right!" Sarge said, "Let's go men. We'll grab their base while they capture ours! On to glorious victory!"

"That's not a victory," Deanis said.

"It's more like a stalemate," Simmons said.

"On to equilibrium then?" Sarge suggested.

"Yeah, that'll work," Simmons confirmed. Deanis shrugged.

"Huhh, this war sucks," Grif cursed quietly.

"Here's the plan," Sarge said, and explained a detailed plan, without a lot of sentences that either ended in death or in his own victory. He decided that Deanis scout out and put the blues in a false sense of security, before beating the living shit out of them while using Grif as some sort of meat shield and being backed up by Simmons. Sarge and Donut would remain on the side lines. Sarge wanted to yell inspirations to the team.

"Why does Donut get to stay on the sidelines?" Simmons asked.

"Because, he's got a great arm," Sarge said, "Heh, he coulda gone pro."

"It comes from years of tossing," Donut chimed.

"And as discussed," Sarge said, "in the event that we are cornered and no other options exist, Donut will make sure to save at least five grenades, one for each of you. And two for Grif."

"Anyone have a preference of Frag or Sticky?" Donut asked, "Tell me now, I don't want any complaining later on."

"Frag," Simmons answered, "no wait Sticky."

"Surprise me," Grif answered.

"Neither," Deanis answered, "I'll just hang in there."

"I'm gonna change back to Frag," Simmons reanswered.

"Hey Sarge," Donut said, "Have you thought about calling for reinforcements? Like when we called for the ship."

"You mean the ship that crushed you while bringing enemies soldiers?" Deanis said, "Let's not and say we did."

"It's worth a shot," Sarge said, ignoring Deanis, "They owe us one now." Sarge brought up the radio and tried to call command. The large abyss below the bridge they were now on echoed with the signal and Deanis felt small pings of electricity within the air. She was pretty sure it was an AI, but there was nothing around nor on the radio itself.

"Come in Command," Sarge said into his radio, "Are you there? Vic, are you there? Come in! Is this thing on?"

"Does anybody hear that echo?" Simmons asked.

"Yeah, we're in a cave Simmons," Donut said, "Caves echo. Duh. That's how bats navigate."

"No, it seems like it's coming from back the way we came," Simmons said, going off one of the bridge's branches and onto the main ground off the large caves.

"Did you say bats, what bats?" Grif said, his voice rising to hysterical, "Were you talking about bats?"

"Um, just, bats in general," Donut shrugged.

"Don't bullshit me dude, I heard bats."

"There aren't any bats," Deanis said, "We haven't even seen a single other living creature besides Donut and Sarge."

"What about the bat people!"

"Grif…" Deanis growled.

"Vic, we need help!" Sarge said, yelling into his radio, "The Blues have executed a brilliant plan, and it looks like we've fallen for it perfectly. No doubt they're celebrating at our very own base as we speak. We're going to die if we don't get some help over here Vic…Hrr, Vic Junior. We're going to die if we don't get some help over here….Hello? I don't hear any hold music. Please don't transfer me to India. Hello?..."

"Sounds like Command just cut him off," Deanis said. The electrical sense disappeared, but the strange echo remained.

"Oh, yes I'm still here Vic," Sarge said, "We need help!... Simmons, is that you?"

"Simmons?" Grif asked.

"What the- do you work at Command now? When were you promoted?" Sarge asked, "…Diabolical. Well get yer keester back here. Red Command is useless."

"There's a newsflash," Grif said, looking to both Deanis and Donut.

"Shut up Grif," Said Sarge.

"Did that order come from Command?"

"In fact it did. And they also ordered my foot to report up your ass on the double!" Sarge pushed forward, and slammed the butt of his shotgun into Grif's over weighted stomach. The orange clad made a grunting hurking noise before dropping to the ground and groaning. Deanis sighed.

* * *

><p><strong>Lovely day isn't it?<strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever**

**Chapter 8 - "Dead in Action"**


	9. Chapter 9: Time Warping

**Author's Note.**

**This chapter is indeed based on that episode, where things keep repeating themselves. So be prepared for some screwiness.**

**Oh. One more thing. I do plan on continuing on with stories based in Red vs Blue, its just I'll be taking a kind of break after this book. You know, focus probably on other stories before I really start getting into this stuff.  
><strong>

**Well that's then, this is now. And Now's a Chapter!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9 – Time Warping<strong>

Deanis stood waist deep in water, nearly shivering under her armor. A brilliant plan to try and attack the Blue base, especially when no one knows how to _FUCKING_ getting out of the caves! She was half wishing Church was here, he knew how to navigate the caves. The other half was cursing the ever living hell out of him.

Sarge was the other who was also standing waist deep, though Grif and Simmons were only thigh deep, and Donut mid-thigh.

"Shouldn't we rethink this plan?" Asked Grif

"Why?" Sarge asked.

"Well now that Simmons has cut us off from Command, we're attacking the enemy base with no support."

"I didn't cut us off from Command," Simmons defended.

"You interrupted the radio transmission!" Grif snapped.

"No I didn't," Simmons said, "Whoever Sarge was talking with was already down in that cave. I just walked up and started talking to Sarge in the middle of it."

"What the fuck do you think interrupting means?"

"Would you two shut the fuck up?" Deanis said, rubbing the side of her helmet.

"Yeah, you're givin' me a headache," Said another voice from behind Sarge and Simmons. Everyone looked to find a path with a large brown ball like thing on it, its green pixilated eyes glared at them, and its body dimed and brightened in glow from the explosives inside it.

"Andy, is that you?" Simmons asked.

"No, I'm tha' other talkin' bomb," Andy said sarcastically, "_Francis_. Pleased ta meet ya, ya dickhead."

"I thought you were busy helping the enemy."

"Nah, they didn't need me anymore. Apparently that revived guy learned enough alien language to get by. And then it was 'what have you done for me lately?'."

"Hey, what was that deal they were talking about when I was all drugged out?" Grif asked.

"Grif, I'm proud'a you," Donut said, patting Grif's shoulder, "Admitting you have a problem is the first step."

"Fuck off, Donut." The orange clad shrugged the pink clad's hand off.

"Baby steps Grif."

"That new alien is here to find the old one, and he revived the blue guy to help him," Andy explained, "But then somethin' happened to him. I don't know what; started actin' all, funky."

"The alien revived him," Deanis said incredulous.

"Yeah. They don't treat life and death the same way we do. Fact that little guy that everyone thinks-"

"We don't have time for this," Sarge interrupted, "Let's go men." Sarge hustled the team to a path that had a light shining in on it. The last time the team ran into a cave with a glowing light, it just turned out to be mushrooms. Dare to hope though.

The first signs of Blood Gulch's eternally blue sky were a blessing. Deanis breathed in the air, and then muttered curses at seeing the god damned canyon. Blue base still lay abandoned, and Red base still had its company. Plus one.

"Is there something wrong at the base?" Deanis asked.

"Is that that bounty hunter guy?" Simmons asked, looking at Red base, "That guy's a dick."

Not just any bounty hunter either. Large, bulky and white plated. Wyoming. Damn it, Deanis thought she had seen the last of him back on Sidewinder. If he's here, then there is bound to be trouble. Maybe he might've discovered that Church is actually… Oh no.

"Hah!" Sarge voice nearly made Deanis jump out of her armor, "The Blues have overextended themselves and spread their forces too thin! Classic blunder. Change of plans, men. Instead of hitting Blue Base, we're going to take back our own base!"

The sudden fast paced rumbling, and the long and large barrel of a Scorpion Class vehicle came into sights.

"Tank!" Grif yelled.

"Oh shit!" Simmons cursed.

"Free change of plans, men!" Sarge yelled, as the tank drove by, "Blue Base it is."

It took a while before the scattered team would reunite and return on their original plan to hit Blue base.

Blue base was completely uninhabited, or abandoned, whatever works better. There was no Sister or Doc anywhere, and Deanis didn't see that little annoying vampire-man-baby alien thing running around, thank god. She would've explored deeper if she didn't have something to worry about and a possible timer on her hands.

She darted up the ramp, on to the base's flat roof. First thing was first, she snatched up the sniper rifle, and peered into the canyon through it. Blue base was certainly more shaded than Red base, that's for certain.

"Deanis, what're you doing up here?" Grif's voice interrupted her spying.

"Watching the blues," She answered, not looking from the sights.

"Why? All they do is stand around and talk."

"I have my reasons."

"What're you two doing up here?" Simmons asked.

"Deanis wants to watch the blues," Grif said.

"What? Why?"

"Would you two shut up?" Deanis said, momentarily distracted. She returned her gaze into the sniper's scoop.

"What's happening?" Simmons asked.

At Red base, helmets bobbled up and down, the tank was on the other side. Out of nowhere, near Wyoming, Tex materialized and knocked him flat out. Something blue caught her eye, and she shifted her sights. Caboose was running, and then the tank hit him with a rocket. She could hear the blast from here, and saw how the youth was torn completely in two pieces of mutilated flesh and bones.

She removed her gaze from the sniper.

"Caboose just got the fuck blown out of him by the tank," Deanis said.

"By his own tank?" Simmons said, "Like that isn't a surprise…"

"Speaking of getting tanked," Grif said, "You think the blues have some beer around here?"

Something sounded, like something swishing and Deanis got a nauseous feeling in her gut.

"What's happening?" Simmons asked.

At the Red base, helmets bobbled up and down, the tank was on the other side. All of the sudden, Wyoming lunges out and hits something in the air near him. Tex materialized and fell to the ground, possibly out cold.

Deanis wondered how he could've known that Tex was there.

More talking, and then something blue caught her eyes and she shifted her gaze. Caboose was running across the canyon, yelling something. The tank fired an attached machine gun, and all the bullets hit Caboose's chest and stomach, tearing through the armor like butter. Blood splatter the grass and earth where Caboose fell.

"Caboose just got the shit blown through him by his tank," Deanis said.

"A Blue got killed by their own tank?" Simmons said, and then held his head, "Man, I just had the weirdest sense of déjà vu."

"Hehey, speaking of getting tanked," Grif said, "We should see if the Blues have any beer around here."

"Do whatever man," Deanis got a strange gut feeling that she had just done something before. She shook it off, and looked back through the scoop. Wyoming was standing on the base, the tank doing his fighting for him. A perfect target. She found Church and Tucker behind one of the rocks near the caves, Church was aiming. He'd never hit the Freelancer and Deanis knew it.

She pulled the trigger on Wyoming, watching him fall from the base and land hard in the dirt in front of Red base.

Something sounded, like something swishing and Deanis got a nauseous feeling in her gut.

"What's happening?" Simmons asked.

At the Red base, helmets bobbled up and down, the tank was on the other side. All of the sudden, the tank starts firing, just missing Tucker by a few inches. Tex rematerialized, and the blues jump from the base's roof.

Something blue caught her eye, and she shifted her sights. Caboose was running, when a sniper shot from Wyoming blew through his head, and leaving a splash of brains and mush exploding from the back of his skull. So Caboose really had a brain, go figure.

"Caboose just got fucking snipped," Deanis said, and had a strange sense of déjà vu.

"Hey, speaking of getting sniped," Grif said, "we should see if the Blues have any ...beer around here?" He seemed to hesitate.

"What the fuck's that supposed to mean?" Simmons asked.

"I don't know. Sounded a lot funnier in my head before I said it." Grif seemed to rub the back of his head.

Simmons held his head in his hands, "Man, I just had the weirdest sense of déjà vu."

"I do too," Deanis said, lowering the sniper, "Don't you guys feel like this has happened before? Like many times before?"

"Yeah," Grif said, coming to terms, "Why though?"

"Maybe it's the Freelancer at the other base," Deanis suggested, "Maybe he's doing this."

"How though?" Simmons asked.

"I don't know," Deanis said, "But-"

Something sounded, like something swishing and Deanis got a nauseous feeling in her gut. Again.

"What's… Happening?" Simmons asked, hesitantly, "God where did this headache come from…"

At the Red base, helmets bobbled up and down, the tank was on the other side. All of the sudden, Wyoming lunges out and hits something in the air near him. Tex materialized and fell to the ground, possibly out cold.

Deanis wondered how he could've known that Tex was there, and then she wondered if she had that thought before.

All of the sudden, Tucker came up and stabbed Wyoming with the sword. The Freelancer fell, and then Tucker took up the sniper and shot at the ground many feet away from the base. He was shooting at Caboose, who turned back and tailed it away from Red base. Deanis couldn't help but feel small relief, though why she didn't know.

"The Freelancer just got the fuck stabbed out of him," Deanis said.

"Hey, speaking of getting stabbed..."Grif began to say, but hesitated and held his head, "I think I have a headache all of a sudden. For some reason I want a beer."

"Man I just had the weirdest sense of" Simmons said but scratched the top of his helmet, "... meh what's that thing called? When you, think you've done something, but you don't know if you did it?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

* * *

><p><strong>The Epics of time travel.<strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 9 - "Time Warping"**


	10. Chapter 10: Omega Man

**Author's Note.**

**We're so close people. So close to the grand finale.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10 – Omega-Man<strong>

"What're you idiots doing up here?" Sarge demanded as he walked up the ramp with Donut.

"We were spying on the blues," Simmons said, "I think… my head…"

"What're the blues doing Deanis," Sarge said, and Deanis looked back through the sniper rifle. There were other white Freelancers, and all of them were Wyomings. How or why eluded her, and the sheer numbers would decimate the blues.

"Freelancers," Deanis said, "Lots of them, the blues don't stand a chance."

"Let me see," Simmons said, and looked out into the canyon, "Man, that seems like a really big fight."

"Ah, those Blues are finally getting what they deserve," Sarge said, putting his hands on his hips, "I always knew this day would come."

"You mean you knew that the Blues would be killed by a group of enemies while in control of our base, and while we were in control of theirs?" Donut asked, "Seriously? You knew that was coming."

"Absolutely. It's so obvious. Durrr. What a glorious day to be Red."

"And the best part of it all is that the Blues are finally gonna be driven out of the canyon," Grif chimed, "and we get to sit on the sidelines. Man, someone does all the battling and we just have to kick back and let 'em take the glory, while we enjoy the benefits. We don't have to do anything."

Sarge growled and took out his shotgun.

Grif sighed, "...You know, one of these days, and I don't know when, I'm gonna learn to shut my fuckin' mouth."

It was only moments later when everyone piled into the Warthog, well, everyone but Donut and Deanis, who were once again volunteered to jog along the side. The jeep got to the fighting first, playing that fucking Italian Spanish music. The vehicle ran into a group of Wyomings like a bowling ball through pins.

Most of them were taken care of when the two finally reached the war zone. For some reason, the rest of the team in the Warthog was chasing Caboose for whatever reason.

"What should we do now?" Donut asked.

"I don't know," Deanis shrugged, "Hunt Caboose I guess."

They caught up with the team, since the jeep was driving so slow anyway. Something on an open channel sounded, and Deanis flipped on her radio to see who or what it was exactly.

"-This is Freelancer Tex, broadcasting on an open channel-," Agent Texas said over the radio, "-You want me O'Malley? Come and get me.-"

The jeep stopped, everyone got out, and Deanis and Donut caught up. Deanis was disturbed, why was Tex wanting to get O'Malley? After the freelancer had tried so long to destroy the damned AI, now she wants it back? Deanis knew how powerful and dangerous the mercenary was with the AI, and just how cruel the AI was from Deanis's own experience. Nothing was going well.

"Hey Donut," Deanis said, "Why don't you get the Ghost?"

"Ghost?" Donut asked, "What ghost?"

"Motorcycle…" Deanis said irritated.

"Oh that! Sure! Be right back!"

The jeep's radio came to life.

"-This is Freelancer Tex broadcasting on an open channel.-"

"-This is Private Church broadcasting on an open channel.-"

"Why are the Blues on the radio?" Grif asked, looking into the jeep.

"Who knows?" Simmons said, clicking on his radio, "Hey Blues, shut the fuck up, get off our radios and quit running our batteries down!"

Through the radio, Deanis heard beeping and heard it ping and attached to something. Then the channel got white noise.

"**Do it now, or I will kill every last one of you!**" Simmons's voice came through not only his helmet but through the static too. His voice, however, had deepened dramatically, and it sounded forced, "**And then everyone else here as well! Just to prove a point!**" he laughed evilly, causing everyone on the team to look at him. Deanis felt the electrical aura around the clad maroon.

Whoa Simmons," Grif said, looking closely at Simmons, "Hey. Don't you think that was a little over the top?"

"**Suck it you fool!**"

"And what's wrong with your voice?" Sarge asked.

"**Nothing. Why does something have to be wrong with my voice? Maybe something's wrong with your voice. Ever think about that, cocksucker?**"

"You realize you just insulted Sarge…" Deanis said carefully. Whether O'Malley cared or not was a weighing decision.

"I mean cocksucker, Sir!" Simmons's real voice came through, and then was replaced by the possessed voice when he started laughing cruelly again. The maroon clad reached up to his helmet, and clicked something. It depressurized, and he let the helmet fall to the dirt.

The lights on Simmons's temples were going bright and full force, meaning lots of brain activity. His green eyes seemed brighter, with almost none existent pupils. He was smiling cruelly, something meant for the Cheshire cat rather than Simmons.

Before Deanis could react, Simmons reached out and grabbed her, taking her close. She didn't like being touched, and she didn't like the way Simmons looked at her like a predator staring at prey. She kneed him in the crotch, and jerked away. She would've beaten him senseless if Grif hadn't put a hand on her shoulder.

"The hell man, "Grif said, "Seriously, insulting Sarge? Making moves on Deanis? That creepy voice? What the fuck's gotten into you?"

Simmons stood, rage burned in his emerald eyes.

"**Stand aside Buffoon**," Simmons demanded, "**I will take what I please.**"

Grif pulled Deanis back a bit, though not forcefully. In the few times that they weren't insulting each other or Deanis trying to beat or shoot the living shit out of Grif, they were actual comrades with no beef in using their selves as shield for each other. Deanis began to realize, that maybe the only reason the two ever fought was probably to fill whatever holes they had, and with whatever pieces. Grif had to take care of his sister from a young age, and Deanis, well her family history would make anyone break down and cry in a corner. Perhaps, in some way, they were trying to retain whatever family feelings they had with each other, and family protects one another.

"Hey, who are you calling a buffoon?" Grif said, Donut pulled up in the Ghost nearby, "I am not a buffoon. I don't even know what a buffoon is!"

"Both o' ya shut up," Sarge demanded.

"Seriously, what is that? Some kinda monkey? It's a monkey isn't it?"

"**You fool!**" the O'Malley Simmons said.

"Hey Reds!" A familiar voice came. Running down a nearby hill, holding a sniper and running like a sonuvabitch, was Church. Sarge aimed his shotgun as Church skidded to a stop.

"Freeze, you dirty Blue!" Sarge said, and everyone but Simmons aimed at Church.

"N-n-n-n-n-no. Hey, I'm here to help," Church said, raising his hands and weapon in a quick surrender, "Omega's on the loose, and I think he's infected one of your guys."

"Oh, you better not've just said-" Deanis was cut off.

"Infected?" Sarge said, "Initiate Emergency Plan Delta, men!" He spun and shot Grif in the stomach. The rounds imbedded themselves in his armor and whatever fat was under it. God damn zombie plans.

"Ow! What the fuck!" Grif cursed, rolling up into an orange ball. Small amounts of blood dripped from the many holes in the armor's suit.

"I didn't say who," Church nearly whispered it, as Sarge hit Grif where the wounds were, "I think it's actually Simmons."

"That's okay," Donut said, coming next to Deanis, "that's how all our emergency plans begin."

Something turned painfully and slowly in their direction, and everyone, but Grif, looked up to see Simmons operating the mounted machine gun.

"Simmons, get off that gun right now!" Sarge commanded.

"**No!**" Simmons said with an amused smile.

"What did you say to me?"

"**I said no, hahaha! How do you like that? No!**"

"Well since you asked, I don't like it at all!"

"**Fi-irst, I'm going to kill you. And then my plan to be leader of the Reds will be complete!**" O'Malley-Simmons said, "**After that I'm going to kill every being in the Universe. From now on, everyone will kiss my ass!**" He laughed.

"Uh, yeah, it's definitely Simmons that got infected," Church said.

"No shit Sherlock," Deanis said, "You figure that out by yourself?"

"Donut!" Sarge said, "Initiate Emergency Plan Traitor Simmons Number Eleven!"

"On it Sir!" Donut saluted. As Grif lifted himself up to at least a standing position, hold his wounded stomach, Donut fired his battle rifle into the orange clad's chest, right around the area between the shoulders. Grif fell, holding the area and gagging.

"Donut! I said plan eleven!"

"Where am I gonna get a steamroller?"

"Simmons, do not fire that weapon," Sarge pointed at the maroon clad, "That's an order!"

"**Too late Sarge! Simmons is getting a promotion**," O'Malley-Simmons was about to start laughing again, when something dark hit the clad maroon in the back of the knees. The Soldier fell forward with a look of surprise, when a dark hand grabbed a flailing arm and yanked back. There were the sounds of someone getting punched in the face.

"Hey Church, I think Tex is over here!" Tucker called from a distance.

"Thanks for the update!" Church yelled back sarcastically.

"Tex I know now might not be the best time, but I'd really like you to consider coming over to the Red team," Sarge said as Tex continued to beat the crap out of Simmons, "Technically you know black is just a really dark shade of red. We'll talk later."

"-Church, are we still talking on the radio?-" Caboose voice was on Deanis's headset. Once again, the beeping started and then the channel had static, and a dark version of Caboose's voice came on, "-**Muhahahahaha! 'Cause I'd love to talk on the radio. What? What am I doing in this idiot?**-"

Tex ran from the jeep and to where Caboose was, behind a tree. Huh, the canyon did have trees. She abandoned her body, now in her ghost like form and entered Caboose.

"Heuh, crap," Church sighed, "Sarge, I need you to do me a favor. If I'm not outta there in ten minutes, I'm gonna need you to disable that ship. 'Cause if Tex gets out of here with O'Malley and that kid, there's no one that's gonna be able to stop her."

Church headed to Caboose, abandoning his own body in favor of his more transparent form and followed Tex into the combustion of Caboose's mind. Anyone that hadn't original known that Church was some ghost like entity figured it out pretty damn quick.

"What the hell is he talkin' about?" Sarge said.

"Oh. Tex and Omega have some kind of stupid plan to enslave the whole alien race," Tucker said, coming up next to him and Deanis, "But Church thinks if she does, she's gonna become the Queen of the Universe or some shit."

"Queen of the Universe?" Donut gasped, "Noone even told me we were having a competition!"

"We're not Donut," Deanis said, "But it's pretty damn difficult to keep track of what is happening."

"I'll tell you what's been happening," Grif said, pissed off, holding his stomach like its organ would fall out, "my own fucking teammates-"

He was interrupted when several bullets bounced off his helmet and knocked him to the ground.

"Nice to have you back Simmons," Sarge said.

"Thank you Sir, good to be back!" Simmons said in his own voice, with his helmet on, and then he mumbled, "Cocksucker."

"Alright then, let's go blow up that ship," Sarge proclaimed, and he jumped into and started up the Warthog.

"Didn't Church say to wait until he gets out?" Deanis said.

"Well that's a nice idea, but blowin' up stuff ain't a democracy," Sarge explained, "Simmons, where can we get some explosives?"

"Well, if you recall, we recently saw Andy the bomb and Lopez in one of the caves. So-"Simmons was interrupted.

"Of course! Come on men! Let's go ask Lopez if he knows where we can find some explosives!"

"Excellent plan Sir," Simmons sighed. He got in as passenger, while Deanis had to prop Grif up on the mounted gunner position. She decided that this time, she'll ride with Donut on the Ghost.

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Omega-Man **- The Title is from a movie, based off the book "I Am Legend", with several movie siblings such as "I am Omega", "The Last Man on Earth".

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 10 - "Omega-Man"**


	11. Chapter 11: I am Legend

**Author's Note.**

**OH MY GOD LAST CHAPTER! **

**Oh this isn't the end of the fanfiction, I still got the endings to post.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11 - I am Legend<strong>

It didn't take long to find Andy, and Lopez for that matter. They were still in the water filled cave where the team had left them on their attempts to leave the caverns. It took more time than expected for Sarge to figure out that Andy is a bomb they could use. Afterwards, they gathered the found, and returned to the crashed Pelican.

Nobody, at least no soldier, wanted to go in with Tucker's kid or that strange other Alien inside. Grif would've started to yell bats, Simmons wasn't too comfortable about becoming a victim of male pregnancy, Sarge possibly didn't want that either, and Donut didn't want to go near the thing that had nearly killed him once already.

"Okay Andy," Sarge said to the bomb, "we're gonna need you to get in that ship and explode. You think you can take out the whole thing?"

Andy's pixel eyes alighted in excitement, "You bet! Just say the word and I'll detonate. Man, this is gonna be great!"

"Hello Lopez," Shelia's voice came from the ship, surprising almost everyone.

"Sheila? ¿Es usted?" Lopez's head asked.

"Yes. It is good to see you again."

"Hoh, Lopez!" Andy said, "Looks like your girlfriend's put on a little weight!"

"Andy, that's rude," Donut said, putting his hands on his hips.

"What? You were all thinkin' it. I mean, I'm just saying. Someone should seriously consider switchin' to unleaded."

"Can we shut him up?" Deanis asked, getting a green glare from the bomb. Something fast went into the ship, in clad black, carrying a white helmet and what looked like a deactivated sword. Tex. Those who could, stepped back. Andy, on the other hand, rolled in. Deanis didn't know he could roll, the lazy bastard.

"Donut," Deanis said, "How's your radio? You think you could work it? Maybe O'Malley wouldn't target you because of it. Call Church, tell him that Tex is out."

"Hmm, I'll try," Donut said, and brought up the radio, "Hey uh mister blue guy-"

Deanis heard beeping in the channel.

"Oh shit, Donut wait-"

Donut laughed, hard and cruel. Everyone aimed their guns, training the sights on the clad pink. Deanis did not, and came close to her friend and comrade. Electrical aura snapped against Deanis's armor.

"Donut," She said, "Donut, please tell me you're there damnit."

"**Hiya, Private Deanis**," Donut said, in a rougher version of his own voice, Deanis could feel his eyes stare at her through the visor. God she thought it might work, fuck fuck fuck. It's her fault O'Malley possessed Donut. Deanis aimed her pistol.

"Don't make me," She warned with a growl.

"Deanis Wait!" Simmons said, lower his gun, "We should try reasoning with him."

"Reasoning with him?" Deanis laughed coldly, "You dumb fuck, we could hardly reason with you when you were possessed."

"She's gotta point," Grif said.

"No, I think it would work," Simmons persisted.

"**That's the problem with living in a Patriarchal society**," O'Malley-Donut said, "**Men just automatically assume they know everything. Hahaha!**"

So maybe some Donut still surfaces, but not much. The clad pink whipped around and lunged at Grif, though only halfway before Deanis fired and the bullet grazed the back of the pink's helmet. It broke the seal, damaged or not. The helmet fell off, showing the youth's face. The baby blue eyes, just as Simmons's had, seemed to glow without pupils.

"Wuho easy Donut," Simmons said, "You've been infected by a computer virus, and we just need to figure out what to do about it."

"**No! It's my body! It's my choice!**" Donut yelled, his young face contorted in some sort of unspeakable rage, "**And another thing: why do I do as much work as you guys, but I only make ninety-two percent-**"

Tex came up from behind and hit Donut were the implants were, knocking the soldier out immediately. Deanis aimed at the black clad, almost fearful of the possible outcomes this could all have.

"Hey, don't hit my soldiers without my permission," Sarge said, but something just changed in his posture, and the same AI aura that had been around Simmons and Donut was on him, "**I'm the one who gets to hit mah soldiers. Wahahaha, yeah! Eat lead, world. Drop and give me infinity.**"

Tex vanished in mid-air, thanks to her Invisibility, forcing Deanis to aim her gun at her own sergeant. She felt conflicted, taking in how much damage was being done to her teammates and the others.

"Sarge, you've finally gone crazy," Grif said, hesitantly putting his gun down. Tex reappeared behind Sarge, and punched him at the back of the helmet, knocking the CO out for the count. Grif's posture then changed, as the aura moved from Sarge to the orange clad.

"**Whoa, that's weird**," A heavily deep version of Grif's voice said, "**I have a sudden urge to conquer the Universe. Which is odd for me because, well that would take actual work... I think I'll just fall asleep instead.**" The orange clad bowed his head and the aura dissipated from the soldier.

Deanis would've felt relieved that O'Malley was gone from haunting her team, when Doc appeared from a hill, looking around.

"We're here, is anyone hurt?" He said, when something about him changed, "**Anyone need to be killed? Huhuhahahahuhuhuh!**" The O'Malley voice that Deanis knew full well and had no problems in silencing.

"I know that laugh! Nobody move!" Church said, in his body, coming from the same hill. Too late, Deanis already had moved and knocked Doc straight out, with a feeling of triumph.

If only she had thought sooner of the dangers of leaving her radio on. Such a problem would've been easily prevented if she hadn't been so caught up in her other teammates. When the beeping was heard within her own internal helmet speakers, she knew it was too late.

A convulsion of rage, hatred and many other related and horrid emotions burned into her skull, and she felt the presence of a second self within her mind. She did fight it off the first time it crawled its way into her head, but with her mental exhaustion and physical fatigue, she was powerless to stop the entity from assuming complete control.

"Deanis? Deanis?" Church said, and Deanis looking from behind her eyes turned to face the cobalt clad. Omega began its wormy search in her mind for memories that she had previously hidden from it, and Deanis had just enough strength to keep such information locked deep, but could no longer keep her current consciousness as Omega pushed her just as deep.

"Deanis listen to me," Simmons's voice said from behind her. Omega whipped Deanis's body around, and used the butt of the pistol to slam into the side of Simmons's head, knocking down to the ground.

"Son of a bitch!"

Omega laughed, using Deanis's voice. It looked back at Church.

"**What's the matter?**" the voice came so cold, seductive and dark that it was hard to believe that it was Deanis Omega was holding, "**Can't save your own women?**"

Church rushed it, and Omega was prepared for the counter strike. Omega expected that Church would try and tackle or punch its host, but no. Using the sniper rifle, Church swung it like a baseball bat, hitting the host's mid-spin. Deanis took a gasp of breath, feeling like she had just risen from cold watery depths. O'Malley was gone, that much she was sure.

But while she was now in control of her own mind, her body did not. A side-effect of an artificial spin and the weakness that Church had to exploit, Deanis fell into Church, unable to move, paralyzed. She couldn't move her arms, or her legs, she was lucky enough that it was only temporary and for the fact that the clad cobalt didn't hit so hard as to completely knock the nervous system so far out of place that the red would stop breathing.

Church held on to her, and Deanis felt the small and weak aura that was always around him. It signaled what he truly was, no matter how much the body absorbed. That aura changed, it grew different. It grew angry, but Church kept her on him.

"You know Deanis," He said barley above a whisper, "I don't really feel all that different." He tried a laugh, but nothing. "Uh, nuh, feels pretty much the same, it's kinda weird. I expected something more... not me. But, this. It feels… I don't know."

Deanis wanted to say, how do you feel Church, but the nerves refused her commands.

"I feel… partial whole," He whispered, "Whatever… That means. I don't know…"

Deanis saw the dark figure that came up behind him, and cursed her inability to make any warning to him. Tex crashed a gun's butt on the back of the soldier's head, making Church lung forward, though not fall. The different aura was gone, in a series of beeps.

Church regained posture quickly, but had dropped Deanis.

"Where'd he go? Where'd he go? Is he gone?" He asked, and then looked at the Freelancer, "...Tex?"

"Church run!"

"Tex, don't!"

Donut, with his helmet magnetized to his back like a weapon would've, propped Deanis up. She hated the fact that she was laying limp, it felt like a prison, and she hated not being able to do something.

What was worse, was the sharp pangs of electricity in the air that Deanis started getting, and the slight twinges that Donut and Church made told them exactly what had just happened. O'Malley had jumped back into the Freelancer.

"**You have no idea what kind of trouble you are in**," A dark, masculine voice came from the clad black, and she ran. To the ship, Church and several others followed, along with Doc and with the reintroduction of Sister.

Donut reached for something on his belt and Deanis heard sparking.

"I hope this doesn't hurt too much," Donut muttered, and touched something on Deanis's back. Deanis cried out, yelling a string of cuss words as every nerve painfully returned to proper order. The paralyzation, over some time, would've wore out eventually, but a quicker solution was using that tool she had used with Donut's hand. It pumped back feeling and nerve, though feeling like you've just ran through electrified water was a side effect.

Deanis shrugged off Donut's attempts to help, feeling realized that she could finally move.

"Lets go!" She said, and dashed. Donut followed, though he quickly past her in a mere minute. The two final came to the group, and the ship was already on lift off.

"We have to stop her right now!" Church said desperately.

"No problemo Blue," Sarge said, and took to his radio, "Andy you there?"

"-I'm here coach!-" Andy's voice said over the radio channels.

"What's going on!" yelled Church.

"-Tex is hooking up Wyoming's helmet to the computer.-"

"Ready for your job soldier?" Sarge asked, ignoring Church.

"-You bet!-"

"Alright then son, do what you were born to do. Detonate."

"-Hey, you want me to start from ten or three? Come on let's build it up a little bit, suspense it'll kill 'em. Ten!-"

"I told you to disable the ship not destroy it!" Church yelled as Andy started to count down.

"Oh well, score one for the Red Team I guess," Sarge said.

"What about my kid?" Tucker asked.

"Oh right, score two."

"Andy! Do not detonate," Church ordered, "can you see her heading? Do you know where she's going?"

A mere moment after Andy said "One!" the ship disappeared in a mass of glowing blue light that temporarily darkened the bright skies for a few seconds, bring darkness to Blood Gulch.

"...Tex?" Church said quietly.

"Boo, no explosion!" Grif demented, "That sucked."

And then a small actual explosion appeared in the sky. It was much, much weaker than the blue light, and it made Deanis think if Andy really detonated.

"Haha, blammo!" Sarge said.

"Wow, that explosion was awesome!" Donut said next to Deanis.

"What explosion, I didn't see it, do it again!" Grif said.

"Uh Church," Tucker said, "what should we do?"

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**I am Legend** - The last chapter would've explained this.

**Yep, now its just the endings. Well, not all of them, considering that "Tex Wins" was too short to make an actual story out of. But most of them.**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Chapter 11 - "I am Legend"**


	12. Ending 1: Blood Fest

**Author's Note.**

**Ending one, m'dears. Since the Endings are so short, they'll be running off a different system than the chapters. These endings will be posted by twos, rather than just one a day, however, the Cannon ending will be a by-its-self like a chapter.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending #1 "Blood Fest"<strong>

"Yeah Blues, what're we gonna do?" Sarge mocked, "Maybe we can all cry big blue tears over our busted ship. And who busted it? Oh that's right, Red Army busted it! Then they killed the girlfriend, and the gross little snot monster. I always thought women and children first men-"

He was cut off by two sniper shots from the blues. The first was from Church, which hit Sarge in the neck, causing a rather large hole and some bounds of flesh. The second was from Tucker, who had hit Sarge in the crotch, though the area was a bit more protected than the neck.

Red team stared at their fallen commander, and Deanis got a very uncomfortable feeling.

"Sarge? Sarge?" Simmons asked, his voice getting a small high-pitched tone.

"Okay hey," Grif said, using a 'calm down' gesture, "we killed one of your guys, and you killed one of ours. That makes us even."

"Actually," Simmons corrected, "we killed Tex and Junior, and they killed Sarge. So technically that means we killed two people, and they only killed one."

A sniper shot from Tucker hit Simmons's visor and through his helmet, blowing plating, cybernetics, brains, blood and his implants out in an explosion of the backside. Strike two, Simmons was out. That was the last time he would correct someone.

"Okay now we're even, seriously!" Grif said panicked. Blue team aimed their guns, including Caboose and Sister. Doc strayed away from the lines. Grif grabbed a grenade from his belt, and threw it.

"Every man for himself!" He screamed as what was left of red team scattered. The grenade exploded, and Blue team was on the hunt. Deanis dodged several bullets, though much of those scrapped against her red armor.

She spotted Church. She could just shoot him, forcing the body to eject Church. Or the fail-safe itself would collapse and Church would be trapped in the robot body. It was a conflict of what she could do. Maybe she could take out one of the other Blues instead, and deal with Church later. Church saw her, but did not aim his gun.

"Deanis," Church said, "I-"

Whatever he was going to say, was cut off when a missile hit him. Deanis felt something caught in her throat, and she looked around for any sign of him. She found the clad cobalt on the ground, everything thing below his torso was gone. Scattered around were synthetic blow splatters, small clumps of what had been artificial tissues, and metal parts.

Deanis darted to him, sliding on her knees as she came.

"Church? Church!" She said, picking up what was intact, "Come on man, don't give on me now."

Church coughed.

"Deanis… I wish I could… I…"

He gave one last attempt of breath, and then nothing. The small AI aura dissipated within Deanis's hands, as the body retracted what was inside, and possible effectively killed it. It was silent whist the battle still raged.

Deanis let out a shriek, so horrible that it was more beast than it was human. Dropping the body, she looked around, and found that the tank was destroyed by a grenade that Grif had jammed in its vents. The rider, Caboose. Now it _was_ time to kill the little fuck.

She ran, ignoring fatigue or reason. She past bodies while hunting the clad blue. Grif's body was limp, a large bullet hole in his chest plating. Tucker's visor was broken and whatever face he had laid mush underneath. Sister's body laid broken at an unnatural angle from being hit hard by Donut's Ghost.

Donut was chasing Caboose. He leveled with Deanis, while on his 'motorcycle'.

"Now it's time to pound some caboose," Donut said, "Woohoo!"

The two cornered the blue rookie at the cliffs. But something that they didn't expect, he welded a rocket launcher. Before Donut could stop, or Deanis could stop Caboose, the clad blue fired, hitting the Ghost with extreme force. Deanis got caught in the blast, knocking her aside.

She forced herself up, the Ghost no longer existed, the plasma energy within denoted at the same as the rocket, blowing everything to charred smithereens. Donut, or what was left of him, possibly laid in smoking pieces with the vehicle.

Taking no time, Deanis slammed the blue private against the wall of the cliff.

"My turn you little bastard," She growled, and aimed her pistol, jamming it under the helmet where the unprotected part of the lower jaw was. She fired several rounds, most likely destroy whatever head Caboose had. As the blue fell, his body did on reflex and pulled the trigger to the rocket launcher. The rocket did not hit Deanis but the top of the cliffs.

Deanis looked up as large amount of falling debris came.

"Son of a bitch," were her last words.

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><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Ending 1 - **Blood Fest is the "Fight Fight!" ending. Though lacking in "Son of a Bitch!"s.

**Yes, remember, in actuality, bullet wounds are not clean but explosive from impact force, hence why Simmons and Sarge's neck/heads practically exploded from bullets. This ain't no TV show, you get hit with an actual bullet and its just about over for everything. Especially when you're using high powered weapons from the future like in Halo.**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Ending 1 - "Blood Fest"**


	13. Ending 2: Small Galaxy

**Author's Note.**

**Second ending. This one might be a bit confusing, but remember it all becomes something else when that message plays.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending #2 "Small Galaxy"<strong>

"Do whatever you want," Church said, "I'm goin' home."

The clad cobalt walked away, his sniper rifle dragging alongside him. He looked so miserable. Deanis let out a deep breath. Church will either get over it or not. Probably not, he's had this problem several times before. The last time his girlfriend got blown up, Blue team kidnapped Grif with plans on killing him in some sort of revenge. Deanis will have to wait and see what they'd do now.

"Sarge... Are-we fighting?" Simmons asked, as the rest of Blue team followed Church. Sarge got on his radio.

"Vic. Come in, Vic!"

"-Yeah dude, wha-do-you want dude.-" Vic sounded angry.

"We need you to send reinforcements, or an air strike!" Sarge briefed, "We got the Blues on the run. We can wipe them out for good this time."

"-Nope, nuh-uh.-"

"I'm tellin' you it's gonna-" Sarge paused, "excuse me?"

"-I said no, we're not helping you dude. You blew up our ship and screwed up our plan. Dirty business. So you have your little fight and you leave us out of it from now on.-"

"But-but the Blues, and... the winning and the, the killing of the Blues, and the murder! Isn't that why we're here? They have a base, we have a base, they have to die!" Sarge said, but no response came from Command, "Vic! Vic! Vi-ic? Vic!"

Sarge cursed under his breath and started walking to the caves.

"Sarge," Deanis said, "Where are you going?"

"To get some answers," Sarge said gruffly. Red team didn't have any choice but to follow Sarge into the caves. Through the caverns, across that bridge with the abyss underneath it, and they found Sarge yelling at the computer thing.

"What's he doing?" Simmons asked.

"He's going crazy! That's what he's doing," Grif said excited, "This is awesome!"

"Sarge, I don't think you should be fucking with that," Deanis warned as Sarge started to aim the shotgun at the monitor.

"Dude. You should listen to him dude," Vic's face appeared green tinted on the screen.

"I'm a chick god damn it," Deanis muttered.

"I know more than you think, Deanis," Sarge said, "If my theory is correct, then deactivating this machine could tear apart the very fabric of reality! But that tear would start under Blue Base! Which means for a few sweet nanoseconds, Red Army would enjoy glorious victory before being sucked in to oblivion! Hahah, score."

"I thought God was a woman here," Simmons mumbled.

"Deanis I'm scared!" Donut said, coming next to the red clad.

"Hey Blues!" Grif said, getting on his radio, "I think you should get down here. Sarge is messing with that computer that's connected to everything, and I think he's trying to shut it down."

"-So what? Shut down your computer. What do we care?-" Church voice said.

Sarge fired a blast of bullets into one of the computer's parts, causing a huge earthquake that nearly rattled Deanis off her feet. Several rocks feel from above.

"-What was that?-"

"Sarge just fired a round into that god damned computer," Deanis said into her radio, "He's fucking with reality here."

"-Alright-"Church said, "-You think you can hold out until we get there?-"

Sarge fired another blast, and several giant rocks landed on the cave's floor. One of them nearly landed on Grif.

"No Church, I don't think so."

"Who-hoa, hey Sarge," Grif said, "I'm really glad you realized Command's full of shit and all, but could you be a little more careful? I almost got killed by a stalagmite!"

"Grif it's stalactites," Donut corrected, "Stalagmites are the ones that grow up from the ground."

"Who cares? The point is, I almost got killed by a huge fucking-" Grif was caught off as a huge stalactite land on him, crushing the clad Orange.

"Church," Deanis said, "Grif just died." A moment later the computer shut off, "And so did the computer."

"-Fuck!-"Church cursed, "-I'm almost there! God damn it nothing's going well today!-"

"Yeah, I did it!" Sarge proclaimed, "I shut him down! And there are absolutely no negative repercussions."

Suddenly a message appeared on the screen, causing what was left of Red team to look at it.

"The fuck?" Deanis muttered.

On the screen was a message.

**Congratulations player! You have winner! Thank you for playing RED vs BLUE Please play the Red vs. Blue 2 The adventure begins to continue again... Coming Winter 2004 soon! Copyright Kobayashi Games Ltd.**

Adel nearly dropped the controller as the match ended and that message appeared on her TV screen before turning back to the report that happens every ending of a match. That message must be an Easter egg from Bungie or something. Red team was splayed red on the top while blue team on the bottom, each with their armor color.

Her character, "Deanis" was displayed with the color Red, having only a few kills and a few deaths.

"-What the fuck was that?-" said username "Grif". A guy who was clad orange in the game, and hardly had actually done anything within the match itself. Dexter, or his username Grif, lived in Hawaii with his little sister. He sent letters to Adel every now and then.

"-That was the weirdest match I've ever played-" Username "Simmons" said. A college student working on a master's degree, Richard lived in dorms not too far from Adel's apartment building. They talked and visited, but that was about it.

"-Dude that sucked, I got team-killed in like the first ten seconds-" Username "Church" said. Leonard was a soldier currently overseas and didn't play Halo 2 as much anymore, that and the letters and phone calls Adel got from him. They started a relationship after his major break up with his last girlfriend.

"-Sorry, that was my fault-" Username "Caboose" said, "-Some guy kept screaming in to the mic.-"

Michael, or Caboose, lived in New York. Adel and Michael sent emails to each other, but it was low profile.

"-Bow chicka bow wow!-" Username Tucker yelled. Tucker, or rather Lavernius, lived in the apartment building next to Adel's. At least once per week, Adel and Lavernius would scream insults at each either through Halo 2 or through the window. Richard had made it a joke to call the two "Lavern and Shirley" every now and then, and Adel always made the come-back at calling him "Richie" and asking him where Chuck went.

"-Dude! Shut up-" Church said.

"-See?-" said Caboose.

"-Bow chicka bow wow!-" Tucker continued

"-Alright that's it, I'm muting him-" Church said.

"-Alright, let's play another-" said Username Sarge. Adel only really knew him as Sarge, and got letters with pictures of his grandkids. Sarge was currently living outside of Chicago, formerly a soldier during Vietnam and recently retired after Desert Storm. He now spends his time play Halo 2, and often plays the patriotic leader of whatever team he's assigned.

"-Dude I am not wearing that armor again-" Donut, or rather Franklin, said. Frankie was a friend of Adel, who met him during high school, not long after she had dropped out. They'd been friends for better or for worse. Donut was in California at the moment, trying to become a screen writer.

While some she already knew, the rest she met here playing Halo 2. Hardly anyone played Halo 2, especially after Halo Reach came out. They had almost a family on here, outside of the daily horrors life had given them.

"Let's try same teams," Adel said into the mic, "New map."

"-New Map!-" Everyone agreed.

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Ending 2 - **Small Galaxy is the equivalent to the ending Boxy.

**Did anyone else catch the references? Happy Days, Halo, Me...**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Ending 2 - "Small Galaxy"**


	14. Ending 3: Kill all Humans

**Author's Note.**

**Ending 3.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending #3 Kill all Humans<strong>

"Yeah Blue! What are we gonna do?" Sarge mocked, "Maybe we can cry big blue tear over our busted ship. An-"

Sarge was cut off when a series of plasma bolts hit his armor, melting through it and killing the CO. The man died before he hit the ground, and laid as a smoking ruin.

"What the hell? Where'd that come from?" Grif asked, and it was answered before he even finished. Everyone turned to see Elite Aliens on a march, with vehicles and different colors of armors.

"Oh shit! Alien invasion! RUN!" Church shrieked.

Before anyone could scatter, bolt and missiles of plasma rained down upon them. Deanis stood, reminiscing of a time that seemed a lifetime ago when something like this happened. The reason for the scar on her back, and it froze her to the spot. Church grabbed her shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing?" He said, "Run damn it!"

Deanis's head turned to him, and nodded her helmet. The two ran for the rocks. In silent horror, Deanis saw as her teammates were slaughtered by these aliens. Grif lay a molten flesh thing, the small bits of orange were the only things that identified him. The only things left of Tucker and Simmons were black outlines on the ground.

Deanis slowed considerably. More memories of a past time struck her mind's eye, causing her to feel sick. Church grabbed her arm and pulled her behind a rock.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked, "You can't just stand around like that!"

Deanis let out a breath, but she still didn't answer him. Plasma struck against the rock. She heard yelling. Deanis curve her head around the corner of the stone, and saw Donut. She watched as a similarly color clad alien put a plasma sword through him, and how he stopped moving.

Rage in her chest, she was about to move when Church stopped her.

"There's nothing you can do!"

"The hell there is!" Deanis finally spoke, "My entire team just got slaughtered!"

"You wanna join them?" Church snapped back, "Deanis, look, if we pull through this, then good for us. We'll get away, and do whatever the hell afterwards, but right now its run or die."

"Or go down fighting," Deanis said, "Besides, I didn't see Caboose or Sister, your team could still be out there."

"Oh well."

"Don't give me that," Deanis barked, "You care more about Caboose and them than you want to think."

Church sighed.

"Not the only thing," he muttered, "Tex is gone, my team is probably completely gone, your team too, but the hell if I'm losing you too."

Deanis remembered a similar devotion from the him that he had been, when he could aim worth something or even figure out things faster. She wondered if Church still had some of his former self left in him that wasn't residue or reprogrammed memories. And then the memory of how the two had failed to get away. Would this end the same?

"You like-like me don't you?" Deanis asked. Church paused.

"I-" He was interrupted when a the twin plasma blades of an alien sword slide through his chest. He gagged as a cobalt clad Elite lifted him into the air as a kind of prize. Deanis stepped back, her mouth open under her helmet. She backed into something, and turned slowly. A red clad Elite's breath stuck against her visor as it brought out a plasma pistol.

There was a flash of bright hot white, and then nothing but darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Ending 3 - **This ending corospounds with "Invasion". And the title comes from the games "Kill all Humans".

**By the way, cannon to this series, Deanis obviously had a major past that deals with Aliens. So, yeah...**

**And I didn't do the remake with the aliens because trying to match-up an entirely different culture takes a lot longer than I'm willing to take. I get bored easy...  
><strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Ending 3 - "Kill all Humans"**


	15. Ending 4: Silver and the Rubies

**Author's Note.**

**This is probably the most AU out of all the endings. Also, Church's point of view.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending #4 "Silver and the Rubies"<strong>

"Tex? Nooooooo!" Church screamed as the ship disintegrated in the blue light in the sky, and everything went black.

"Church! Wake up!" Church heard Tucker's voice say, as his consciousness shook whatever dream he had. His eyes opened, and found that he was lying in the dirt.

"Tex?" Church said weakly as he propped himself up. He looked up and saw a soldier in black, "Tex, is that you?"

"Tex? No, it's me Tucker," Tucker's voice came from the clad black, "Who the fuck is Tex?"

"Wha-what's goin on?" Church said, sitting up, "Where am I?"

"You got shot by the tank," Tucker explained, "The new rookie did it."

Church remembered. That red guy getting the flag, Tucker going through the portal and coming out, and that other weird red guy, the one who knew his name, and then being driven back to the cliffs, as the tank came out. He remembered seeing the missile coming, and then everything went black, and that weird dream.

"Yeah, sorry," said the clad blue rookie, coming up the cliff, "Um, that tank is kinda hard to use, and I didn't have the proper training."

"Yeah dude you were out for a few minutes," Tucker said, "I thought you were dead. You kept moaning about the future and aliens and stuff."

Church got up, feeling the nausea and headache from his time being out cold, and the wash of pain from surviving a blast from the tank. He leaned against the cliff wall, unable to fully stand on his feet.

"Man, I had the weirdest dream," Church sighed, "There was an evil computer program, and a bomb, and my ex-girlfriend was there..."

"Boring," Tucker said, leaning on one leg.

"Yeah," Church continued, "and you were there Tucker, and you were there too rookie, and the tank was there..."

"Was I there Church?" asked Jenkins, a clad green soldier that had come up the cliffs with the blue rookie.

"No, Jenkins, you weren't there," Church pointed out, "I don't know why, guess I just forgot about you. Sorry."

"Ah, oh well. Maybe next time-"

"Freeze blues!" Blue team turned to find that three of the Reds were aiming guns at them from the top of the cliff they were on. One of them was that red guy that knew Church's name.

"Oh shit! Run!" Tucker said when Church stopped everyone.

"No! No-no-no, it's okay, we actually worked with these guys," Church said, causing confusion with everyone.

"What?" Tucker turned to him in disbelief.

"Yeah, I mean, we still had our differences and everything," Church explained, "but we came to overcome those to face a common challenge-"

The orange and maroon clad Reds opened fired. The bullets ripped through Tucker's armor, and Church's. He felt them as they tore into his chest, and he fell into the dirt again. He was looking out into the canyon, and heard as more rounds killed Jenkins and the rookie. He didn't feel too cold, maybe the armor had something to do with that.

"What the fuck was that guy talking about?" He heard one of them say.

"Who cares?" said another, "I'll get Sarge on the radio."

"Alright, sounds good."

"Hey Sarge, we cleared out this sector, what do you want us to do?"

Something crouched in front of Church's visor, he tried weakly to look up, but a hand stopped him.

"Don't move," this Red whispered to him.

"Hey Deanis!" said one of the other Reds, "You coming?"

"I'll be there in a little bit," Deanis yelled back. Deanis, Church's dream was right, though how he would probably never know. She lifted her hand from Church's helmet.

"Dean-is?" he said weakly.

"Yep."

Deanis propped Church up against the cliff wall, and he felt the pain of bullets lodged in his chest. He gasped, and coughed.

"Don't be such a baby," Deanis said, and began unclasping the cobalt torso plating. Church watched as she set aside the plating, and opened up the suit part of the armor. His chest was bleeding profusely, but he didn't feel as much as he thought he should. Deanis took something from her belt, a small canister, and injected it into Church's chest. It felt like insects were eating at him from the inside as the biofoam fill the wounds and stopped the bleeding.

"There," Deanis said, "at least the bleeding stopped."

Church looked over to his fallen teammates. Deanis caught him looking.

"Forget it," She said, "They're dead. There isn't anything you or I could do."

"I had a dream with you in it," Church said weakly, "You were… I don't know… Something."

"I had a feeling about that," Deanis said, as she reached up to Church's helmet, clicked against its air seal and depressurized it. She took the helmet off, and set it aside. Church felt the cool air of the Gulch blow softly against his face. Deanis then reach up again to the back of his head, where his implants were, and yanked something out.

A piercing headache, and suddenly Church was aware of every wound and ache he had. He gagged, sucking in air like the dying man he was. Deanis put a hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down," She said sternly, "You're just going to make your injuries worse."

"Wh-What did you do?" He asked. Deanis showed him what she had taken, it looked like a computer chip with some strange energy within it.

"I've been hunting this little fuck in the canyon for the past two years," Deanis explained, "You should be thanking that girlfriend of yours, she was the reason that Data chip was in your head."

"What is it?"

"You know that evil computer guy you were talking about?" Deanis said, "Well, he was kinda the reason about that dream you were having, or the fact that you didn't immediately die when that tank shot you. This is Omega." She tapped the chip before putting it in a pouch on her belt.

"O'Malley…" Church said, "Its other name is O'Malley."

"You're right about that," Deanis said, taking from another pouch battle dressing. She began to patch up the bullets wounds.

"It was all just a dream though…" Church said, "This are kinda proof of that…" He weakly gestured to the wounds.

"Omega being in your head gave you knowledge you didn't original have," Deanis said, and then she stopped, "Tell me. Was there someone close to you in this dream?"

"Yeah, my ex-girlfriend," Church replied, "Why?... That doesn't really mean anything…"

"It means more than you think," Deanis sighed, "What happened to her?"

"She died… Twice."

Deanis said nothing as she continued to address Church's wounds. He suddenly felt a pang of panic.

"Wait," He said, "You don't mean… No. No Damnit she can't be dead!"

He tried to push off, but Deanis pinned him to the wall.

"Damn it Church don't do anything stupid," She said.

"You just practically told me that Tex is Dead!" Church snapped, "How do you think I feel about that?"

"Keep it quiet, Private," Deanis said, "We don't need the attention."

"The hell I will!"

Deanis punched him the face. It was hard and unyielding, and Church tasted something copper in his mouth when he impacted on the ground. His cheek would defiantly be swollen. In the dream, he didn't have the pleasure of Deanis's punch, but now that he had, he knew why nobody wanted to make this woman angry. As he tried to pick himself back up, Deanis removed her helmet, set it down and forced Church to sit up.

"Listen to me," She said, with her dull green gray eyes stern and unyielding against an emotional hard face, she looked exactly how she did in the dream, "Yes, Allison is dead. She died about two years ago, right before I tracked Omega here. Those damn Covenant _things_ were at us, and she died fighting. Practically went out with a fucking bang. The only reason I'm doing this is because I owe her my ass several times over."

"Why didn't you save her!" Church demanded.

"If I could," Deanis and then him slammed once into the cliff, "I would have, but I wasn't there. She was told that the mission could go sour, but she went anyway." Deanis let out a breath, "She told me a lot about you, who you were. How much of an asshole too, but how devoted you can get, all that lovey-dovey shit. I came here to find Omega, who jumped right before Texas bit the big one. Because of her, it came to you."

"Why?" Church asked.

"I don't know. AIs are fickle like that."

"Then why are you tracking it?"

"I'm supposed to, that's my job," Deanis explained, "Recovery One, AKA Private Deanis. Nice to meet ya. I recover AIs when I'm not fighting the actual war going on. I wanted this mission personally, and Command knows that I knew Tex on the field. I was the right one for the job."

"You're a Freelancer?" Church said.

"After Tex died, they put me in with the Freelancers, yes," Deanis said, she didn't sound too happy about it.

"I know that every Freelancer had a state for a name…" Church said, "What's yours?" the look on Deanis's face told him, "No. Texas? They gave you Tex's name? The fuck, why?"

"I was her partner, and I was already close to being a Freelancer anyway," Deanis said, "They said giving me the name would honor her or some shit like that."

"Fuck…" Church said, "This isn't right…"

"Damn straight," Deanis said, "But it isn't my place to argue. Alright, now it's time for you to decide, you can join me and become my partner and Recovery two, or you can go back to Blue base and be the last in this sector, your choice."

"If I refused to be a Freelancer? What happens with you, ya just helped me."

"Why would it matter? I'm going to be leaving anyway, I have the AI," Deanis said, "Besides, Private Donut has already showed promise."

"What'll happen if I accept being a Freelancer?"

"You'll get a name, training and all that," Deanis said, "And I need a partner, and I've had plenty of time to choose. It's not like Command can argue, they've already pinned you as a likely candidate, if I don't make a move, someone else will. And the other Freelancers aren't as brought up as I am."

"Wyoming," Church said, "He's one right?"

"That's one of them, yes."

"What about the other things?"

"You'll get an AI for one thing," Deanis said, "I'm taking Omega, I can handle him just as well as Tex could."

Church thought for a long time. The death of his girlfriend, and the offer to become a Freelancer from the chick who had taken the Agent Texas mantle. He already knew that going back to Blue base was out of the question, and he could do more out there than he could in the canyon. Besides, death was here, and he wasn't sure if he could handle more of that.

"I'll do it."

"Cool, I'll call Command," Deanis said, took her helmet and stood up, "As far as this canyon knows, Private Leonard Church died in battle."

Church chuckled, "If I'm not going to be me, than who am I?"

"Well," Deanis said, putting her helmet back on, "We could use an Agent Washington."

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><p><strong>Trivia.<strong>

**Ending 4 - **Corosponds with "Ruby Slippers". The actual title is a pun on the fact that in the Wizard of Oz books, the slippers were silver instead of ruby.

**This chapter derives so much away from the actual story it hurts.**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**Ending 4 - "Silver and the Rubies"**


	16. Ending 5: Out there, Somewhere

**Author's Note.**

**This is a god damn short ending, and I will post the actual ending tomorrow, as planned. So no double for this one.**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

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><p><strong>Ending #5 "Out there, Somewhere"<strong>

**Red Army Staff Sergeant "Sarge"**

After his tour in Blood Gulch, Sarge was awarded the Badge of Redness, but had it revoked when he would not reveal his real name for the certificate. He commanded various Red Forces thought-out the following years and was eventually killed at Gemini 8. He died exactly the way he wanted: after Grif.

**Richard "Dick" Simmons**

Simmons stole Sarge's identity after his death and attempted to resume his life. He was discovered and court-martialed by the Red Army. He is currently awaiting execution in a military prison.

**Dexter Grif**

Grif was killed by Sarge shortly before his death.

**Leonard Lawrence Church**

Church is an Anger Management social worker in Quincy, IL. He and Deanis are currently in a relationship.

**Lavernius Tucker**

Tucker went AWOL shortly after the events of the Blood Gulch Chronicles. He was last spotted on a stolen ship, on a heading towards the alien home world. His current whereabouts are unknown.

**Kaikaina "Sister" Grif**

Sister works as an etiquette coach at the prestigious Paris Hilton School for Girls.

**Franklin Delano Donut**

Donut married an exotic dancer named Tiffany. They have twelve children.

**Michael James Caboose**

Caboose sold his life story to a software company based in Redmond, WA. They based a popular video game on it.

**Lopez the Heavy**

Lopez started a garage chain for robots missing parts. He calls it "Las Cabezas Arriba".

**Frank "Doc" DuFresne**

Doc left Blood Gulch and went back to Med-school. He dropped out however because of the lack of gun related injuries.

**Adel Deanis**

After her tour in Blood Gulch, Deanis was often with her team until Sarge and Grif's deaths on Gemini 8. Afterwards, she snuck Church out of Blue Army, when they started an official relationship. She is currently a Red Army Master Sergeant on the ship, USS Cunningham. She is god mother to Donut's kids.

**Agent Washington**

Pissed off at the author for not including his mini-story, he demanded that she tell him her plans for the future stories that included Deanis. Afterwards, he claimed he had to go brush his teeth using a metal scrub brush and soap.

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><p><strong>Yeah, the middle names for Church and Caboose were something I just thought up. Actually I calculated Church's. See, Rooster Teeth based Sarge off of the sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. And In that movie, there was a character named Leonard, you know the guy who committed suicide. Well, He also had the name "Lawerence" so I figured, "Hey!" so poof. There's Church's Middle name. As for Caboose, I chose whatever seemed to fit.<strong>

**Oh-ho-ho yes, I have special plans for Agent Washington, special plans indeed...  
><strong>

**Read, Review, Whatever.**


	17. The Actual Ending

**Author's Note.**

**Well. This is the cannon ending to the WarBound series.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>

Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo Reach, and Halo Wars are all owned by Bungie and Microsoft. Red vs Blue and related are owned by Rooster Teeth. All original Characters are owned by the author. This is a none profit fan saga.

All Flamers and Such can go Fuck anything that moves.

* * *

><p><strong>The Actual Ending<strong>

"Do whatever you want," Church said, "I'm goin' home."

"Hyeah, fuck this," Tucker agreed.

The clad cobalt walked away, his sniper rifle dragging alongside him. He looked so miserable. Deanis let out a deep breath. Church will either get over it or not. Probably not, he's had this problem several times before. The last time his girlfriend got blown up, Blue team kidnapped Grif with plans on killing him in some sort of revenge. Deanis will have to wait and see what they'd do now.

"Sarge..." Simmons asked cautiously, "Are… We fighting?"

"No Simmons," Sarge said, shaking his head slowly, "I think they've had their ass kicked enough for one day. Let's leave some for tomorrow."

This surprised Deanis, who has known her sergeant to be merciless to his enemies. The fact that he should some sort of compassion or even sympathy seemed unreal for the kickass and over bearing commander. Sarge headed to Red base, and his team followed.

The next day, Deanis woke like any other day. A grab of her assigned red towel, and she headed for the showers. Donut and Simmons were already there, Grif nowhere to be seen. Under the standing orders of Sarge, the three had to shower together. Both Deanis and Simmons avoided getting into too much of each others' space while Donut wasn't so picky.

After showers and a re-zip of the armor, then came breakfast with a MRE. Still nasty as usual, nothing much had changed.

Today was Donut's patrol time, while Simmons, Grif, and Deanis did look out. However, today was special, as it has come to the conclusion of the three privates that they might want to keep an eye on the blues because of the recent victory. Like what had happened when Donut has blown up the tank and Church's girlfriend the first time, it ended with Deanis having to drag Grif's ass back from Blue base.

The three sat on the cliff, two out of the three bored. Grif held the sniper, spying on Blue base.

"What're they doing?" Simmons asked for the umpteenth time.

"What?" Grif said.

"I said what're they doing now?"

"God damn it Simmons," Deanis said, "I'm getting so sick of hearing that question."

"Grif's got the damned rifle and it's not like I can see anything from up here," Simmons said.

"Look you two," Grif said, "The blues are just standing and talking, Okay? That's all these guys ever do, they just stand around and talk."

"...What're they talking about?" Simmons asked.

"You know what? I hate you."

"I fucking hate both you," Deanis said.

"Yeah. I hate you guys too," Simmons replied.

"Hey ladies, get down here!" Sarge's voice yelled from Red base, "I built a new vehicle from some old Warthog parts we had laying around! Front 'n' center on the double! We need help naming this thing. And nothin' stupid this time."

"I get to name this one," Simmons said, as the three walked down the cliff.

"Why?" Grif asked.

"Because you named the last one."

"Hey guys," Deanis said.

"What?" They both said in unison.

"Shotgun."

"_Fuck._"

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><p><strong>It's been a lovely run, and don't worry your heads, I'll return with more Deanis in another series. In the meantime, I've been writting up the next stage right before we get to the Deanis verison of Recontruction. Its on its way, while plans are being verified.<strong>

**So until that point, Ladies and Gentlemen...**

**Red vs Blue WarBound - Book 5 **

**A series conclusion to this 5 book series. Written by VirTaAshi.**

**Read, Review, Whatever.**

**VirTaAshi Signing out...**

**... For Now.  
><strong>


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